Speculations and Spectacles

bitching about bitches … and other musings


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The Bachelor Episode 9: FANTASY SUITES! Eating bugs and referring to Sean as ‘This Man’

THAILAND! … and over-night dates with a born-again virgin? ABC, you clearly realize sex sells

  • “It’s amazing to think these are my last 3 girls” I’m pretty sure he said this about his last 5, then 4 girls too.
  • He’s on a boat, alone, standing at the front. HOW LONELY. and yet how ridiculous.
  • Close up on scratched up knee. Ooh, he’s rugged 😉
  • OHAI bright blue MAN tank.
  • LOL HAMMOCK, I’m not even listening to what he is saying, these shots are too funny!
  • “My relationship with AshLee is probably the strongest relationship I have” -Sean… I really didn’t get that by watching. She’s too annoying. & no I don’t think Sean is CRAZY about her. It’s forced, you’re too similar or something.
  • AshLee aka Tears McGee
  • LOL Sean just said the same thing about a future with AshLee that he said about a future with Catherine!
  • Oh yeah lets mention for the 433rd time that Lindsay showed up the first night in a wedding dress. “She’s not the crazy girl I thought she was” SHUT UP.
  • “My heart is torn” so I’m gonna swim in the pool by myself and ponder my existence and future.

seanpoolchoosewife

  • Commercial
  • Lindsay gets the first date, and they are both wearing pastels, gross.
  • “It’s hard to look at beautiful Thailand, while I have this gorgeous guy sitting next to me” -Lindsay. Oh whatever.
  • WHY ARE THE BABY CHICKS COLORED?!
  • “You are not supposed to be pink” -Sean to baby chick. HAHAH!
  • I like that Lindsay realizes that the past dates are not normal, not RL
  • OOH THEY ARE GONNA EAT BUGS! Cool.

BUGS

  • This bug eating thing is hilarious, “I saw how brave Sean was” so she ate a bug too. I don’t know if I would call eating a delicacy “brave”
  • IF THESE GIRLS REFER TO SEAN AS “MAN” “THIS MAN” ONE MORE TIME I AM GOING TO VOMIT ON MY LAPTOP.
  • “You’re the best friend I’ve been looking for” -Sean, WOW, that’s kinda a big statement, lets see who he says it to next.
  • MONKEYS!
  • I like the monkeys photo-bombing their sunset silhouette shots

monkeyphotobomb

  • Commercial
  • Whoa, look at the flowers in the grass… and all those lights?
  • This is kinda crazy to just sit and eat in front of this stuff, I guess its fun for us to watch.
  • They should have a short series called Life After The Bachelor for the booted off contestants. Basically it would be them sulking in their hometowns and being mopey in their beds eating ice cream and Chris Harrison visiting them and asking serious questions.
  • Right before she’s able to say “I love you” all these performers come out! That shit cray.

lindsaynightdatewithperformers

  • FANTASY SUITE?!? … they say yes! OOH LA LA.
  • This is awkward… SHE SAID IT.
  • “I love you” … “I love hearing you say that” HAHAHAAAAA

tweetlove

  • Commercial
  • AshLee’s date now!
  • “I’m here with the love of my life” – AshLee
  • Okay, I’m gonna take a nap for AshLee and Sean’s date because its gonna be full of tears, metaphors, “this man”, and “love”.
  • “I just hope he feels the same way” – AshLee… he doesn’t have as much fun with her as the other girls.
  • and now for a BONUS tweet, from previous Bachelorette contestant Arie:

arieashleebikini

  • CAAAAVE!
  • Why is it so weird to swim into a cave? You’re not really alone, theres a film crew, or is it just a go-pro? … There is definitely a film crew.
  • “I think it’s important for AshLee to let go of control” -Sean
  • “I don’t do caves” – AshLee

ashleecaves

  • “You have to let go, otherwise you don’t fall in love” – AshLee, HAHA OH MY, another great AshLee quote making shit all sentimental.
  • Oh wow, they made it through the cave! I’m sure production checked out out and went through prior to the filming, I mean come on!
  • METAPHOR TIME, TAKE A SHOT! Oh wait we aren’t playing a drinking game, but if you are take a shot!

ashleemetaphorkiss

  • Mariah Carey’s song “We Belong Together” plays on repeat in AshLee’s head while she’s with Sean
  • It’s gonna suck when she goes home. *prediction*
  • Commercial
  • “Every part of my being wants to be engaged to Sean next week” -AshLee… just… stop… talking.
  • AshLee is nervous about the overnight date, she’s thinking about her morals! and remembers there are 2 other girls, dun dun DUN.
  • AshLee “I don’t take things lightly” Whateverherlastnameis
  • OMG SEAN, WE GET IT, YOU ARE FALLING IN LOVE WITH ALL THE GIRLS!
  • Too bad Neil Lane won’t provide three engagement rings
  • Umm… she said yes to the fantasy suite, what was all that about morals then?!
  • They’re probably just going to cuddle and fall asleep making metaphors about their relationship together.
  • “Honestly, before I met Sean I had a broken spirit, I guess” what’s going to happen when she gets sent home?!
  • This man has literally healed my broken heart” what happens when he re-breaks it?! Shit’s gonna get real thats what will happen.
  • Commercial
  • Ao Nang Beach- I first read as Ain’t No Thang Beach.
  • Titanic moment, STAAAHP IT.

catherinetitanic2

  • “Of the three remaining girls I think our lives are the most different.” -Sean
  • Catherine gets into this crazy-eyed thousand-mile gaze when she talks about serious stuff.
  • Oh noooo Catherine said “this man
  • OOH She did a back flip off the boat, that was cool!

catherineoceankiss

  • Catherine and Sean make the crazy weather come out, first a blizzard and now a rainy thunder storm out at sea.
  • But it’s okay they’re just gonna make out in the crazy weather

kissinginrain

  • Commercial 
  • “I feel like Catherine gets me better than everyone else” All these things Sean says just confuse me.
  • Oh, and you can see yourself marrying Catherine as well?! Big surprise!
  • Catherine talks about Fantasy Suites before the card even comes out!
  • Oh, theres the card… and she says yes also!
  • “I fell in love with Sean today” -Catherine, but did she tell him that?
  • Back in LA with Chris Harrison! We’ve missed you Chris! Oh this is just an ad for Oz…
  • Commercial

final2

  • Sean’s wearing purple again.
  • “I never pictured myself saying goodbye to this person” -Sean
  • Look at those baby blues, they look so sad.
  • “Is your wife here?” -Chris Harrison
  • He’s in love?! Does he already know the winner now?
  • PRIVATE VIDEO MESSAGES?! Interesting.
  • Commercial
  • OMG WITH THE FREAKING WEDDING DRESS, STOP TALKING ABOUT IT. YOU HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO SAY!?
  • AshLee’s video seems forced, or like she’s reading from a script. She’s crying, my god, calm the F down!
  • Okay, Sean looks uncomfortable, he’s sending her home!

watchingashleesvideo

  • Commercial
  • “The rain is very fitting today.” -Sean OOOH NOOO, someone is getting sent home in the rain.
  • “I just know I’m not supposed to be with her” -Sean ouch!
  • I like that Lindsay just cursed under her breath.
  • Was this long pause really this long in the moment?
  • AshLee is going home! Oh gosh, she looks not happy.
  • STARE OFF!
  • OH WOW, she doesn’t even want to talk to him.
  • “I thought it was you from the very beginning” -Sean stealing a line from Emily Maynard.
  • She looks so pissed! I’m surprised she isn’t crying!
  • BYE ASHLEE, you serious bitch.
  • Is he sitting in the rain, alone?! While Lindsay and Catherine look on?!

seansittingsentashleehome

  • Is she really trying not to cry on camera after she has so many other times?
  • The finale isn’t for 2 weeks?! But next week is women tell all!

Check back tomorrow for photos!

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The Bachelor Episode 8: Hometown Visits, Army Generals, Brothers, and Fake Exes

HOMETOWN DATEZ YA’LL! and probably 2 hours of AshLee saying “I love you” over an over again…

crazyaboutsomeone

OH AND FYI Tierra is engaged in real life already, since January!

tierraengaged

  • Starting with AshLee in Houston! 
  • “What if he says ‘You’re amazing, but you’re not the one'” … yeah I have a feeling that will happen, then you’ll be the next Bachelorette, but you’re boring so it will suck!
  • Picnic with tha’ pup.
  • AshLee has already said “love” like 15 times, too serious.
  • “I’m not gonna cry” -AshLee, yeah friggin right
  • All I hear when AshLee talks is “Blah blah blah LOVE blah blah TRUST blah blah MAN”

AshLeeLOVE

  • Commercial
  • “I’ve been dreaming about this day since I was 4 or 5 years old.” … So you knew you were going to go on a reality tv show to meet the possible love of your life? Okay.
  • AshLee’s Dad wants to know ERRRRTHANG.
  • OMG She’s crying again talking about the polar bear plunge, IT’S A METAPHOR, YO!

ashleemetaphor

  • Mom and Sean chat time! “What are your intentions? Will you break her heart?” … YES, he will.
  • Dad and Sean time “Are you in love with my daughter?” “I’m … crazy about your daughter” NOT THE SAME THING
  • Sean just smiles his pearly whites through the tough questions.
  • Aw Dad is talking about when he adopted AshLee and how he loved her from the minute he saw her. AW! There should be an adoption reality show! HAHA.
  • “There’s no doubt I want to marry this man.” UGH. She loves referring to him as “man”
  • TOO SERIOUS, GET OUT.
  • Commercial
  • Catherine’s Date now! Seattle, Washington! I want to go!
  • Catherine is so fun
  • “When I’m with Catherine I can see my wife” OOOH he didn’t say that with AshLee!
  • FISH THROWING?!!

seanfishcatching

  • Catherine passed the blizzard test and Sean passes the fish catching test
  • Fun romance always beats out serious romance *cough cough* AshLee
  • Can’t wait for him to meet Lola the filipino grandma
  • Commercial

catherinepushupsagain

  • Waaait, this pushup thing has happened before!
  • What a cute family of women!
  • HAHA look at that apron!

seanapron

  • The sisters feel they are being convinced to like him… uh oh
  • Sisters and Sean chat time!
  • The sisters are telling all, oh man, this is a little intense. Are they going to sabotage their relationship?

catherinessisters

  • Mom and Sean chat time!
  • Momma doesn’t want to give her blessing… never given.
  • This family is very skeptical, but who wouldn’t be? It’s the first time you meet the significant other and he may or may not propose in a couple weeks, or one week? Who knows the timing this all plays out in.
  • “I want love with Sean” – Catherine
  • Best part was the Filipino grandma

catherinegrandma

  • Commercial
  • Lindsay and her 2 star general Dad date time!
  • “I want to see what Sean is like in the real world” 2 points for realizing the past dates weren’t real life minus 10 for forgetting you’re still on camera therefore NOT REAL WORLD.
  • “I can see us settling down and raising a family here” THERE?! UH NO, SEAN WON’T MOVE THERE.
  • HAHA how to address Lindsay’s Dad.
  • Time to get army ready… What is this? An army/love boot camp run by Lindsay? This is definitely not real life.

lindsaykissmeharder

  • “That was weird” -Sean … yeah it was!
  • Commercial
  • Sean wore a purple sweater to meet a 2 star general. HAHA!
  • “Hopefully he sees I am a man” -Sean
  • Her parents didn’t know she came out of the limo in a wedding dress on the first night!
  • Sean and Mom chat time!
  • “Things are happening” -Lindsay’s mom, haha awkward
  • Mom likes Sean, you can totally tell.
  • No one wants to see their daughter get hurt… obviously.
  • Dad isn’t ready to give his blessing for marriage, SO SERIOUS! BUUUUT he gives his blessing anyways. How awkward if she isn’t the winner/the one.

purplesweaterdadtalk

  • “I would be honored to be a part of their family” -Sean, hmmm that’s a good sign!
  • Army tag gift, nice!
  • This seems like the most normal family meeting so far.
  • Commercial
  • Des’s hometown date! in LA, HOLLA!
  • She’s excited to see him!

Desjump

  • “I can see her being my wife”  -Sean, so he’s only said this about Catherine and Des now.
  • She made all of the artwork in the house? Interesting.
  • Knock on the door… who is this?! She looks so uncomfortable!
  • “Des I love you” -random dude … UH OH! & they were together for 2 years?
  • “Now that he’s here, I do have to tell you something” – Des… wutwutwut! HEEERE IT COMES! jk commercial time 😦
  • Commercial
  • Whaaaaat? It was a prank? HAHA, because he pranked her on the first date!

actordes

  • I feel used, I fell for it.
  • So Mom and Dad like Sean and Des together… but time for the brother! DUN DUN DUN
  • Is this not going to be as bad as they made it out to be? I am going to be duped by the edits of the previews again?
  • Commercial
  • Bro and Sean 1 on 1 chat…
  • Brother doesn’t approve, he thinks he’s just a “playboy” uh oh, Sean’s not down.

desbrother

  • How awkward.
  • “It’s impossible not to picture myself in this family with this brother” -Sean
  • UH OH. I would be pissed if he was my brother!
  • Commercial
  • LOL @ Sean putting his belt on before his rose ceremony!

SeanBelt

  • “I have no idea what I want to do, I have no clarity” Can’t he just marry them all!? Sister wives, Bachelor edition?

roseceremony

  • Narrowed down to Catherine and Des! OH NO!
  • Both girls had a little (or a lot) of tension on the family dates.
  • WHOA before the first rose is handed out Des asked to talk to Sean…
  • DOUBLE WHOA before the last rose Sean walks out of the room to rethink! YIKES.
  • “My advice: GET THIS RIGHT and take your time” -Chris Harrison, love genius. HAHA

chrisharrisontweet

  • Commercial
  • Do they water down the driveway to the mansion before every rose ceremony?
  • “Who will I miss the most?” -Sean, good question.

deliberationroom

(It’s really hard to choose a girl to send home when they are wearing Christmas colors in their photos)

  • CATHERINE GETS THE LAST ROSE. I bet Des is pissed at her brother!
  • Well obviously you think it’s a mistake, doesn’t everyone getting dumped feel that way?

desleaves

  • Sean is speechless. AWKWARD.
  • Well since she lives in LA the limo can drive her straight back to her house.
  • “All I want to do is make someone happy” -Des… No other aspirations, pathetic.
  • Bye “Desiree call me Des”
  • TOMORROW NIGHT: SEAN TELLS ALL!
  • Next week: Everyone loves Sean & Sean breaks another heart.

See you next week in Thailand!