Speculations and Spectacles

bitching about bitches … and other musings


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The Bachelorette Episode [WHO FUCKING KNOWS] aka Finale pt. 1

Surprise! I’m back!

This season has been so full of crazy crap, I apologize for not blogging the past few episodes, life has been a bit crazy for me lately. But not as crazy as it’s gonna get tonight for Des… LET THE MUTHAFUCKIN TEARS COMMENCE.

right meow

  • So Brooks leaves tonight because he’s been in love with me the whole time… Just letting you all know.
  • Is this really the “television event of the summer” ???
  • Are they seriously recapping right now?
  • WTF, please stop.
  • Remembering the bad times: Bryden, James, Brandon lolz, JUAN PABLO (the next bachelor), Zak whatever
  • K, time to say good things about the three guys left.
  • Chris and Des have the right “ingredients” aka weird poetry connection, please no poetry tonight.
  • Drew needs to come out of the closet, FO REALS.
  • Gosh his abs are out of control.
  • “I feel closer to Drew than ever” UM… the dumbest statement
  • BROOKS ❤ The only one who hasn’t told Des that he loves her.
  • Ummm Des, you should definitely be a little worried he hasn’t said I love you.
  • Commercial
  • Betty’s Hope LAWL
  • Drew has to pull over to kiss Des. Too cheesy or romantic?
  • “Silent Strength” Drew… Okay Des, what the hell does that mean?
  • Oh yeah, this party would totally be happening if Drew and Des weren’t there… NOT
  • LIMBO!
  • I want to go visit the bamboo man in Antigua so I can get myself a bamboo heart.
  • This show would be so much less dramatic if there were no background music… think about it.
  • Commercial
  • Oh they iz kissin in da rain
  • All they do is kiss, whatevs
  • No more dinner on the beach 😦
  • LAWL they are already in the fantasy suite, she should have given it to him before going inside.
  • only 9 weeks ago they met! AYYY CRAY CRAY.
  • Did they forget to eat? Are they just gonna get straight to boning?
  • This is sad because Drew is saying such sweet things and we know Des isn’t feeling the same way.
  • She’s just flattered by all his schtuff
  • Commercial
  • BROOKS TIME, ARE YOU READY FOR THE SHIT TO HIT THE FAN.
  • I have the option to say I’m in love with Desiree or I’m not… okay, Brooks.
  • This is weird, Brooks goes back to see his family before he leaves for Antigua.
  • “I want to be in love” -Brooks, uh oh.
  • It’s because he is in love with me, duh.
  • Lets say all these great things about Des, then go break her heart. She’s probably bawling at home right now hearing all this.
  • No, Brooks, she’s in love with you. You’re the one that isn’t ready.
  • BUT SERIOUSLY HOW CAN YOU BE IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE AFTER ONLY 9 WEEKS AND ONLY LIKE 2-3 ONE ON ONE DATES. LIKE SERIOUSLY.
  • Commercial
  • WTF IS DES WEARING? DOES SHE THINK SHE IS A HIPPY?!
  • You are not in the 70s, Des.
  • LAWL they just got hit by that giant wave!
  • OOH HELICOPTER DATE
  • Omg the ocean looks like a video game (aka fake)
  • OKAY so both Drew and Chris  “know” Des is also in love with them. Even though she is really only in love with Brooks, who is gonna break her heart. GREAT.
  • GIVE CHRIS SOME SUNGLASSES!
  • So squinty.
  • I WANT THEIR CUPS.
  • (Sorry, I’m full of caps lock tonight)
  • TYPICAL BACHELOR/BACHELORETTE LAYING IN THE WAVES KISSING SHOT.
  • Commercial
  • Gosh, this season is full of such dumb colorful clothes.
  • ARE THERE WIND CHIMES? BIRDS? WTF IS THAT NOISE?!
  • Also, what is this music? 80s crime music? HAHA
  • Chris is so stoked Des said she is open to moving to Seattle.
  • That weird noise in the background is bugging me so much, I can’t focus on what they are saying.
  • BLAH POETRY TIME.
  • What is this song they keep playing “I will offer you love and affection” I’m pretty sure they played this another time with Chris. Have they played it with any other guys?
  • “You and I against the world” no.
  • Commercial
  • UH OH, HERE COME THE TEARZ.
  • Chris Harrison is visiting Brooks, here comes some awful news.
  • Chris Harrison looks like he is getting broken up with during this conversation.
  • Brooks, you’re the first normal person on the Bachelorette, who isn’t ready to propose after 9 weeks.
  • “Are you not sure? or are you not in love with this girl?” HMMMMMMM
  • Brooks’s eyes are so puffy, has he already been crying?
  • BROOKS- NEXT BACHELOR?
  • Where do I sign up? Jk, I’ve seen the ads before commercial breaks 😉
  • AW, he is so bummed about her not being the one & being the one to break her heart.
  • Commercial
  • Brooks is crying pre Des showing up. AWWWW.
  • OH GOD, THIS IS SO PAINFUL WATCHING DES TALK ABOUT BROOKS.
  • ***cringing so hard right now***
  • OH MAN OH MAN OH MAN
  • Brooks, please try to say a real sentence.
  • There you go.
  • “I want to be madly in love with you” ——> WATERFALL OF TEARZ
  • omg this is like the saddest thing I’ve seen on the Bachelor/Bachelorette
  • HAHAHA they are both gonna sit with their head in their hands and cry next to each other.
  • “Jump in the water, cannon ball, and swim away. How cool would that be?” -My Dad
  • BLAAAAAH, SHE JUST SAID I LOVE YOU
  • …and then the music starts
  • Commercial
  • Back the this painful situation. I wonder how long they sat there for.
  • Screw you, Wind, for making this difficult to hear.
  • 😥
  • GAAAAAAH
  • Commercial
  • Finally leaving the mini pier dock thing.
  • If she actually picks Drew or Chris after this, they are gonna see all of this on tv now. Then what?
  • PFFFFFT HEART BEAT, LAME.
  • One sided hug goodbye.
  • He just cry spit.
  • Brooks is so confused.
  • Who cried more? Des or Brooks?
  • YIKES.
  • So now is she going to end things with Chris and Drew?! MORE TEARS NEXT WEEK?!
  • BREAK UPS ALL AROUND!
  • Bring your tissues!


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The Bachelorette Episode 5

TONIGHT: Lederhosen, TEARZ, DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA, snow, oh and DRAMA!

I hope Zak W goes home tonight

  • Germany! WOOP WOOP
  • What just happened where all the guys were yelling? Something on a building?
  • “This is Des’s first time in Europe” -Chris Harrison, LAWL
  • Bachelor Pad Germany Edition
  • Chris gets a one on one date! HOLLA, he’s definitely a front runner, right now.
  • It’s both of their first times in Europe! They’re both broke… like me! HA
  • Commercial
  • Bryden is still freaking out, big surprise.
  • “A little andaid over a deeper wound” WHAT BRYDEN? When did you get a big wound?
  • WTF HE’S LEAVING?! I don’t get it.
  • He flies to Germany and leaves the first or second day there?
  • Des and Chris are skipping in a square, the date is going perfectly
  • “Nothing could go wrong” According to Chris.
  • And then Bryden goes searching for Des… to ruin their date.
  • I mean seriously, why couldn’t he wait until Chris got back to the hotel?
  • Commercial
  • Party Pooper Bryden is watching then from across the square, this is getting weird.
  • Sad Bachelor music playing all over the place.
  • “I’m not gonna let Bryden affect my date with Chris” -Des as she starts to cry
  • Back at Bachelor Pad Hotel the group date card comes.
  • Ben and Michael G are left with the two on one date… PRODUCERS PLANNED THIS! They hate each other!
  • Commercial
  • Fancy date time.
  • What are you looking for Chris?
  • AWWWW POEM!
  • “This is real and this is happening” -Chris
  • CUTE
  • Commercial
  • Aw the German snow, how lovely.
  • HIGHEST PEAK IN ALL OF GERMANY! Weeeoooo
  • Juan Pablo yodeling… oh and he can’t pronounce yodel.
  • Mikey is perfect at yodeling hahahaa
  • Des give the old man a rose and get rid of Zak W, hurry!
  • OPE Des eats shit, then Drew knocks into her and she keeps going.
  • Everyone is just knocking Des with Snowballs and attacking, HAHA!
  • & dudes making snow angels.
  • Back at the hotel the tension is SOOO obvs
  • Commercial
  • SNOW TUNNEL/MANSION WHAT? SO COOL!
  • Can these things collapse?
  • Brooks wants that rose, HOLLA. I love Brooks.
  • Brooks and Chris final 2. I’m calling it!
  • Mikey and Des are making snow them.
  • OH NO Zak W is walking around with two wine glasses, lurking hardcore.
  • Now he’s yodeling.
  • WHAT HE WAS GOING TO BE A PRIEST?! The guy that was shirtless the whole first episode and naked on his balcony on the first episode was going to be a priest!?!???!!!
  • He’s such a weirdo.
  • James is psyching himself out.
  • Drew is dishing to us about James… hmmm
  • and now Brooks is hating on him?
  • WAIT Brooks is now intruding on James and Des’s time together?
  • Or is he just spying?! OMG this is totally the lurk episode tonight.
  • The guys are getting weird yo
  • YES! BROOKS GOT THE ROSE!
  • “She didn’t see him lurking around the corner though!” -My Mom
  • I want those blue champagne glasses.
  • Commercial
  • 2 on 1 date time!
  • WHOA Ben sounds a little like Tierra last season
  • “I’m gonna look at it as a 1 on 1 with me and Des and Michael is just an awkward spectator” -Ben
  • Awkward.
  • Ben and Michael in the limo together, both pretending the other isn’t there! HAHA!
  • Michael is gonna go all attorney on Ben’s ass!
  • What if both go home! That would be dramatic.
  • Michael pulls out some German.
  • It’s a flattery competition.
  • Polar Bear Plunge?! Noooo… it has to be so cold!
  • Why does Michael have a matching head band? HAHA.
  • Surprise, no jumping in the water!
  • OMG floating hot tub on the lake! AWESOME!
  • THE SOUND IS SO BAD IN THIS JACUZZI!
  • Michael is totally attacking Ben and Ben is actually being civil about it.
  • Michael is gonna end up going home for this.
  • Commercial
  • Mikey and James are best buds, look at them hugging.
  • WHOA Kasey and Drew overheard a crazy conversation between James and Mikey!!!
  • Yikes! Tears are coming up!
  • Back at the 2 on 1 date both guys are wearing purple shirts peaking out from their sweaters.
  • Michael is focusing way too much on Ben on this date!
  • He hasn’t said one thing to Des.
  • There we go, Des you take control of the conversation.
  • Wait, Michael keeps taking jabs at Ben.
  • Michael is making himself look really really bad.
  • OH WOW, she might let both of them go, that’s probably the best option.
  • Commercial
  • Yeah, Michael, you did fuck up.
  • Yep, time to split up the guys up to chat alone.
  • Michael got the rose! HOLY CRAP, WOW!
  • Ben is PISSED!
  • HAHA All the guys are so stoked that Ben is going home.
  • Ben is acting psycho in the limo. AYYYY!
  • Commercial
  • Des may do something different this rose ceremony, wonder what it will be.
  • Chris Harrison plays 20 questions with Des.
  • SURPRISE! NO COCKTAIL PARTY!
  • Des! The guys need to tell you information!
  • James saying “You look beautiful” as soon as he possibly can, no cocktail party but he still gets his first word in.
  • Drew is extremely upset and disturbed
  • Commercial
  • They don’t ever show Juan Pablo, he might be going home.
  • They probably don’t show him too much because he needs subtitles, hahaha!
  • Juan Pablo is happy for Zak getting a rose.
  • Juan Pablo should be the next Bachelor!
  • HAHA Now its down to the best buds Mikey and James.
  • Whoooo will it be?
  • James is staying, bye bye Mikey! 
  • “The truth will be heard” -Drew
  • NEXT WEEK: Barcelona!!! Awesome! Man fights! Hell yeah! James vs. The Other Dudes.


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The Bachelorette Episode 4: Mr. America, Man Freak Outs/Man Tears, & Jan & Manny

TONIGHT: Atlantic City, PLANES, “I’m on cloud 9”, Hurricanes :(, SHIRTLESS MEN!!! … Bryden hates Ben.

BrydenhatesBen

  • God, this opening music is so cheesy. Acoustic guitar strumming DERP
  • Chris Harrison’s shirt matches the walls… WHY IS EVERYTHING ELECTRIC BLUE? The candles on the table too!
  • “Nice chance to get to know Des on a totally different level” -Ben … the Atlantic City level?
  • Zak W jumps on a bed in the Atlantic City house and is annoying as usual. (Sorry I’m not sorry for being a hater)
  • Brad Who? gets a one on one date. Ohhh yeah he’s a dad just like Ben.
  • CHOCOLATE! nom nom nom let’s shove it in each other’s faces.
  • Why is everyone hating on Brad so much? This manly competition is a little too soap opera for me.
  • Commercial
  • Sand Castle Seat time! BALLER… I would just want to destroy it, hahaha

SandcastleBrad

  • Group date for a bunch of bros coming up!
  • Awww this conversation on this dinner date is a little awkward with Brad :/
  • UH OH… Brad isn’t getting a rose.
  • Bye bye Brad Who?
  • Brad walks down the spiral staircases forever… and ever…
  • HE’S CRYING, AWWWW NOOOOOO 😥
  • & Des is still at the top of the light house, hahaha!
  • Commercial
  • GROUP DIZZZATE TIME!
  • Zak W jumps in for the first hug, he’s weird, go home.
  • OMG Brooks just compared Des to a mystical unicorn, yes, I love him.
  • Miss America? … which means Mr. America pageant is happening!
  • Michael G dreamed of becoming Mr. America as a kid, I’m dead, so hilarious.

MichaelGMrAmerica

  • The guys need to go to the prop table and find their talent… Juan Pablo can do the baton?! HAHAHA
  • Zak W has no talent, but grabbed the guitar?
  • Chris is in heels!

ChrisinHeels

  • Ben tries to jump through the ribbon he is spinning.
  • Drew is practicing Shakespeare!
  • OOH bathing suit part of the competition, I see a few speedos in there!

BenSpeedo

  • OH MY…  the pageant is in front of a live audience, of course bros!
  • Commercial
  • Was that someone putting lotion on Mikey?!
  • Luscious Locks Brooks is nervous, awwww!
  • Starting with the interview portion!
  • Kasey goes up first!
  • Brooks would be a lion in the wild, he has the mane part down.
  • Aw Chris, the more we see him, the more I like him!
  • Juan Pablo is never taken seriously.
  • OMG MIKEY WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
  • “I’m tired of being a piece of meat, I want to get across that I am sensitive” – Mikey

MikeyPieceofMeat

  • #Kasey is a tapping machine

KaseyTapdancing

  • Mikey said he wasn’t a piece of meat but now he is doing hand stand push ups?

MikeyBeingaMeathead

  • OMG Brooks, what?!
  • BEN, What?! Ribbon dancer with an O face? …OH NO.

BenRibbonDancing

  • Bryden is pelvic thrusting… I guess that is a talent?
  • Zak W actually can sort of sing and play the guitar, plus one point for him.

ZakWwhat

  • Now Mikey is flexing his chest muscles, really you aren’t a piece of meat? Hahahaha

MikeyBeingameathead2

  • Oh Brooks, I love you so much.

Brooksswimsuit

  • Who knew Drew was so ripped?!

WHOADREW

  • Love the swimsuit portion of the competition!

Brydenswimsuit

  • Now for the winners: 3rd place- Brooks (princess wave!), 2nd place- Zak W 1st place- Kasey!!!
  • AWWWW I loved this little competition

theguyssuits

  • HOLY CRAP WHAT IS COMING UP?! BRYDEN IS UPSET!
  • Commercial
  • Chris is opening up to Des about writing poetry & reads it to her… (the sound is so awful)
  • Now Bryden is going on a hate rampage about Ben.
  • OHHH Ben sits right in front of the other dudes with Des for one on one time.

Bensittinginfrontofdudes

  • HA! That shot of Ben sitting all alone, the producers had to of asked for that, right?!
  • James is back at the house in a robe drinking wine alone! HAHAHA, Love it!
  • Uh oh Zak W wants to finish the song from the competition he wasn’t able to finish, a little awkward, she doesn’t look very into it :/
  • Zak W really REALLY really wants the rose.
  • Bryden didn’t get any time?! 😦
  • Zak W actually did get the rose, I really don’t think he’ll stick around much longer though.
  • Commercial
  • James gets his one on one date now… WHAT IS ZAK W WEARING? go home.
  • James & Des are going to see what Hurricane Sandy did to the Jersey Shore.
  • How sad!
  • The windows are all fogged in the helicopter, how can they see out? Oh now we see someone rubbing it clean, hahaa
  • Woah, the boardwalk is gone & the roller coaster in the water 😦
  • Commercial
  • They are meeting a couple who are in the process of rebuilding… here we go generic Bachelor sad music.
  • Aw the couple spent their anniversary in the Red Cross Shelter during the hurricane!
  • Des & James give the couple their fancy date ABC had planned for the show… I’m sure this was planned, but it’s really nice!
  • Commercial
  • It would be funny if the camera crew only followed the Jersey couple and not Des & James, hahaha!
  • It’s almost awkward they sent a camera crew with them! Let them be!
  • Des and James seem really into each other… uh oh James is confessing something, dun dun dun
  • HE CHEATED ON HIS EX… his freshman year in college (I mean, come on)
  • It’s still cheating, but so many changes happen in that transition period and he was sorry about it, “It broke his heart” … He wouldn’t have admitted it if he wasn’t making a point that he’s changed.
  • AW ABC RECREATED THEIR WEDDING ALBUM.
  • Commercial
  • “Why isn’t The Situation on this show? He’s from the Jersey Shore” -my Dad
  • OMG their old photos!
  • Des and James come back to meet up with Manny & Jan
  • Manny & Jan get a private concert!
  • Screw the rest of this season, lets just follow Manny & Jan & give them all the dates/trips planned.
  • Manny’s got some hip swinging moves 😉
  • … What is James didn’t get a rose, HAHAHA
  • Don’t worry, he got a rose
  • and SURPRISE! James and Des still get to enjoy the concert
  • This date was definitely a huge step forward for their relationship
  • I can’t wait to see Bryden’s freak out!
  • Commercial
  • Bryden is having some issues with his feelings, dun dun dun.
  • I don’t blame him, he didn’t even get to talk to her at the group date!
  • Michael G is getting some one on one time during the cocktail party
  • … What is this, he is telling her why he likes her to her spelling of her name and his last name initial
  • OH NO, that kiss was awkward.
  • Bryden is having a quarter show crisis!
  • Chris and Des talking about friends, uh oh… nope not in the friend zone. That was a cute moment! But seriously Des, figure out what you’re saying because I was thinking the same thing as Chris!

chrisfriendkisschrisfriendzone

  • Bryden is losing his romantic feelings?! What is going on?
  • THEY ARE TALKING
  • So glad he pushed his hair to the side
  • Okay… seems like he is staying?
  • Commercial
  • What is that spinning rose outside?! COOL
  • 1 bro going home tonight
  • The guy I can’t remember his name is my prediction for going home
  • Hopefully she gives Bryden the first rose.
  • Oh Chris is okay too, he’s great.
  • Why is she keeping Bryden for the end? This is dumb and dramatic.
  • Bryden… long pause- BUT HE STILL ACCEPTS THE ROSE.
  • Mikey better be staying he is great, & I can’t remember the other dudes name.
  • DUH!
  • THE OTHER ZACK, HOW DID I FORGET HIS NAME. Because both Za(c)k’s should have gone home!
  • Bryden is being moody and weird still, what are those glances?!
  • OMG ZACK IS CRYING TOO! Two cryers this episode
  • They are heading to Munich, Germany!!!
  • PREVIEWS: SNOW! Chris & Brooks taking the friggen lead. Now no one likes James or Ben?! WHAT!!?? Des crying? Michael G in a limo? going home? upset? WHAAAAT?
  • “Today is Armageddon”  YES

PS- the credits are really great this season:

zakWcredits

Brookscredits


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The Bachelorette Episode 3: Flying Balls, Broken Bones, Girlfriends, & Cowboys

BRO DRAMA is my favorite.

  • MANsion filled with dudes in v-necks
  • GROUP DATE “some stud named Mikey” -Mikey, hahaha
  • I don’t think Des’s hot pink shirt is bright enough
  • Dodgeball, I’m glad I’m not playing.
  • Oh my gosh, scary, did you see that guy smash a ball against the wall? *slight sarcasm, slight seriousness*
  • Luscious Locks Brooks has a ponytail…. YESSS
  • Oooh a winner takes all VERY PUBLIC match, shits gettin’ real
  • OMG they are at The Americana! What?!
  • Commercial
  • Yikes
  • How did we end up with two skinny dudes? Drew vs Chris
  • Of course they are even now, each team 1 point.
  • “MAN DOWN”
  • Brooks finger is broken? and bleeding… OUCH
  • Down to one on one!
  • Blue team wins!
  • OH SURPRISE EVERYONE GETS TO GO TO THE AFTER PARTY (they always do this)
  • Commercial
  • OMG Brooks passed out when he finger was realigned?! and now he is going to the ER?! Aw 😦
  • Brad who?
  • … He wants to open up to Des about something serious.
  • HE HAS A 3 YEAR OLD SON! They made that seem like he used to be a druggie or something.
  • Oh wait, he does have a tricky past.
  • DATE CARD back at the MANsion
  • #Kasey gets the date!
  • “You know I would absolutely love the rose” -OC Bro Brandon, LAWL
  • Chris found an awesome rooftop spot, AW ADORBS
  • Poor Brooks is still in his dodgeball outfit!!!
  • Chris gets the rose! HOLLA
  • He gets some extra alone time & a private concert? Oh okay… and the other guys have to sit and listen.
  • UH OH OC Bro Brandon sees them dancing and kissing
  • The kisses seems to be coming faster this season then they did in The Bachelor.
  • Wouldn’t it be weird to be a singer and be performing for just two people who are making out?
  • Commercial
  • “I love this entire group of guys” – Des
  • Her phone is ringing… what’s going on?
  • “I have some bizarre news about one of your guys” -Chris Harrison
  • “What a BLEEEEEP” -Des, HAHA
  • Pink shirt Bryan… it’s time to talk
  • OMG the guys’ faces when the girlfriend walked in
  • “Oh geez!” -Bryan
  • Commercial
  • Girlfriend is pissed off!
  • He hasn’t had a chance to talk yet…
  • Ahhh he slept with his girlfriend two days before he left for the show!
  • Commercial
  • This girl is really pissed off but she needs to stop talking for a minute.
  • “What am I supposed to tell my son?” -Girlfriend AHHHH HAHA
  • OMG the guys bedroom is so messy
  • “WHOA! That room is worse then Paulina’s room!” -My Dad
  • … I kind of wanted to hear Bryan’s side of the story, but I still would have sent him home.
  • Finally time for #Kasey’s date
  • OC Bro Brandon is SOOO EMOTIONAL & SO CRAY
  • His story is sad, but maybe he should get some therapy.
  • SOMEONE HUG HIM.
  • Commercial
  • Zak W’s crazy eyes are crazy.
  • Dancing on the side of a building? COOL
  • Vadalooping? is that what its called?
  • HAHAHA a little awkward
  • WHOA check out that wind!
  • oh no, the rose is gonna blow away!
  • Omg, why wasn’t the pool heated?!
  • Such an awkward date!
  • The rose didn’t blow away, so he gets the rose!
  • The guys should just put the roses behind their ears instead of on their shirts.
  • Commercial
  • Wild West group date!
  • THEY ARE SERIOUSLY ALL WEARING V-NECKS, so odd.
  • OOH the stunt team for The Loan Ranger
  • Oh look we get to watch clips from The Loan Ranger, nice work ABC/Disney, promoting your own movie!
  • Des has a surprise for them… Horsies!
  • “Saddle up and save the lady”
  • “We got a date with the sunset” -Bryden HAHA I love this
  • HAHAHA Dan’s pants split!
  • Juan Pablo is the best cowboy!
  • Juan Pablo’s english is hilarious, they make it seem like he can barely speak, but he just talked fine in confessional!
  • “It’s the best date I’ve had in forever” -Des… you mean since yesterday when you said that
  • Commercial
  • Drankin out of mason jars!
  • YES BRYDEN PUSHED HIS BANGS ASIDE, IT LOOKS SO MUCH BETTER!
  • “When we kiss it’s… AWESOME” -Bryden, he’s so cute
  • Zak W. is SO AWKWARD, GO HOME, crazy eyes.
  • He made an attempt to kiss her? Swhaaa?
  • Lovedrunk? or just drunk?
  • All these little dates are so cute!
  • James’s dad is ill back at home 😦 aw!
  • He’s gonna get the rose…
  • “Will you accept my daisy?” HAHA so cute!
  • Oh I think he just went in for a kiss and got a cheek, woops!
  • Oh its okay though because he got a real kiss too
  • Commercial
  • Chris Harrison with a slight changed of plans: no cocktail party!
  • But we get a daytime pool party instead!
  • OMG Brooks dance, HAHA
  • WOAH FILF Ben takes Des for a mini one on one date, a 15 minute car ride.
  • But seriously, why is Ben wearing that weird tank top?
  • The other dudes still hate Ben… but I’m not so sure that I see it as him cheating?
  • Ben’s little secret has turned into a LIE. MIKEY DON’T LIKE LIES!
  • “I can’t unscramble that egg” -Michael G, the diabetic
  • Emotional Bro Brandon, is seriously talking to Des
  • Uh oh, is he gonna cry again?
  • “I’m never going to hurt you”
  • AWKWARD KISS
  • Sausage fest in the hot tub… they are still in it when Des gets out.
  • Commercial
  • ROSE CEREMONY
  • Fancy blue dress! Kinda awkward though.
  • Zak W got a rose :/ Crazy eyes is still in it.
  • She’s obviously keeping Hot Dad Ben… why do they make her keep him until last?
  • OC Bro Brandon and Split Pants Dan are going home 😦
  • Bye Bros!
  • Why do the guys really dislike Ben? I’m not seeing it…
  • Is Ben really the Tierra of this season???
  • WHOA WHAT IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW WITH BRANDON & DES.
  • HE’S SO BUMMED SO EARLY ON
  • “I pretty much just got my heart smashed with a hammer” -Brandon
  • Brandon, if you are reading this please go into therapy. You seem like a sweet dude, but I think you need some emotional help.
  • Previews:
  • WHOA SAND CASTLES NEXT WEEK! & A MR. AMERICA PAGEANT!!!!
  • Ohhhh even Bryden doesn’t like Ben, he must be bad.
  • OH NO BRYDEN IS GONNA BE A TATTLE TALE, I hope it doesn’t turn and bite him in the butt. :/


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The Bachelorette Episode 2: Right Reasons LOL

Heeeere we gooo!

  • Luscious Locks Brooks gets the first 1 on 1 date!
  • Des’s thing for this season is gonna be her sketching before every episode.
  • QT Drew is wearing a purple sweatshirt made out of towel material… uh…
  • Hot Dad Ben can’t pronounce “genuine”, awkward
  • Commercial
  • Is Des wearing a bumpit in her hair?
  • They’re trying wedding dresses and tuxes, kinda weird.
  • They have a date on the Hollywood sign?! in wedding clothes? So strange, for the first date.
  • They’re sitting on the “L” for Love.
  • First kiss of the season!
  • Commercial
  • Driving down a closed road… this is set up, duh!
  • How did they know who wanted red or white wine before they arrived? and are they going to drink it?
  • The generic sad bachelor music is on for Brooks’s sad story about his dad.
  • Back at the Man Mansion: many dudes getting a group date. The dudes are drinking red wine, classy.
  • Luscious Locks Brooks is here to stay.
  • Omg, he smiles when he’s nervous, I love it.
  • Here’s the first private concert of the season… & awkward dancing and singing along, they obviously didn’t drink enough of that wine.
  • “Can it get any better than this?” Um, yes Des, it can, we still have a whole season ahead of us!
  • Commercial
  • “Did somebody tell them to wear bright shirts? With nothing on them?” -My Mom
  • They are starring in their own rap videos! How awkward for all the white dudes.
  • Soulja Boy is there! “Love is a little bit like Hip Hop” If you say so!
  • Was that a shimmy?!
  • I love when guys need to learn dance moves.
  • WHY DOES COSTA MESA BRO BRANDON NOT HAVE PANTS ON?
  • Ben the FILF is up
  • Aw poor Bro Brandon is having such a hard time 😦 Give him some pants!
  • How about Soulja Boy gets a rose and two guys go home tonight?
  • Commercial
  • Lets find out who is really here for the right reasons…
  • Shirtless Zak has crazy eyes… and a shirt on now.
  • Such an odd gift for someone you don’t know.
  • “When you see me smile, this is how I experience life” … wait, what?
  • “Love is like a butterfly” -Costa Mesa Bro Brandon
  • FILF Ben is being a HAWK.
  • “I got swooped” -Mikey T. hahaha!
  • Where does ABC get their blankets for these shows?!
  • FILF Ben goes for another swoop, this time a swoop for a kiss.
  • Costa Mesa Bro Brandon sees & gets bummed out. WAH WAH 😦
  • Commercial
  • Michael G. wants women to be treated correctly! “Not on my watch”
  • “Realness is missing” -Mikey on FILF Ben
  • Manfrontation between Mikey and Ben! AH. Is Ben already the Tierra of this season?! Ben better talk about his sparkle when he goes home.
  • “I like your shoes, man” This is how dudes settle disputes.
  • DATE CARD back at the MANsion
  • Y SO SERIOUS Bryden gets the next date!
  • “She’s absolutely perfect, she’s an angel” – Bro Brandon
  • “I was born, I had a dad and a mom like you did” -Bro Brandon
  • SOB STORY TIME, Bro Brandon just wants to share errrrthang right off the bat. It kinda explains why he’s a bit strange though.
  • “I just want to love you” -Bro Brandon
  • Kinda shocked FILF Ben got the rose over Costa Mesa Bro Brandon.
  • Wait… everyone on the show has feelings for Ben according to him?
  • Commercial
  • Okay, the guys’ shirts/v-necks are really bugging my mom.
  • ROAD TRIIIIIIP! Spring Break! HOLLA!
  • “California embodies everything that I am” Oh okay, Des.
  • Bryden seems cool.
  • They’re in an orange grove… and now Ojai! Hippyville, EYO!
  • Commercial
  • Ojai OHAI 😉
  • Bryden’s hair bugs me.
  • SOB STORY #3 Bryden got in a gnarly accident when he was in college, yikes!
  • He just has those pictures in his pocket?! From the accident?!!!!
  • Who had to light all these candles?
  • “It doesn’t seem like you open up easily” yet you had those pictures in your pocket…
  • More candles! I feel bad for the intern who had to light them all.
  • Hot tub time, awkward small talk, pre-kiss…AMIRIGHT?!
  • Kiss #3 of the night, you go Bryden.
  • Commercial
  • Another Rose Ceremony Another Sparkly Dress
  • Michael has type 1 diabetes and starts to tell Des about it but FILF Ben steals Des away, how lame!
  • FILF Ben the swooper
  • Mikey is pissed even though it didn’t happen to him (this time)
  • Commercial
  • WHOA Michael is manfronting Ben. Yikes!
  • “He chose the wrong person to lie to” -Michael
  • I can’t believe there is already bro drama, this early in the season.
  • Why is this dude carrying her? Whaaaat was this guy’s name :/
  • “The D word”… HAHA Divorce! That took me a minute.
  • (That was Brian)
  • Commercial
  • Rose Ceremony
  • ONE ROSE LEFT FOUR DUDES LEFT
  • Costa Mesa Bro Brandon gets the last rose
  • Will da Banker is going home, Robert the spinning sign entrepreneur is going home, and so is Nick M (…who?)  😦
  • Preview: More Ben drama coming up
  • This music video is waaaaay white.


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The Bachelorette Season Premiere!

BACK ROW: BRAD, ROBERT, KASEY, BROOKS, WILL, BEN, JUAN PABLO, MIKE R., BRIAN, CHRIS, JONATHAN;MIDDLE ROW: DAN, BRYDEN, ZAK, DREW, MICHAEL, ZACH, NICK M., BRANDON;FRONT ROW: DIOGO, MICAH, LARRY, DESIREE HARTSOCK, MIKEY T., JAMES, NICK R.

Oh the places they’ll go! Oh the tears that will be shed! Oh the handsome pissed off men! Oh the abs!

FIGHTS! Des crying! I love this preview of the season.

Let’s try and remember these faces in the preview for when they get out of the limos…

  • What’s this silver normal looking car pulling up? OHAI Des!
  • It’s Chris Harrison ❤
  • Des’s bangs are gone, she looks… older? More profesh?
  • BABY DES PHOTO! AW!
  • Can I be the bachelorette? I could live in that mini mansion 😉
  • Get out of the tub, Des, there is more to see.
  • OMG she’s already crying?! Geez
  • Flashback to Sean, the good memories & the bad.
  • “I still have a positive outlook” said while crying… convincing, Des.
  • She looks like a laker girl.
  • WHAT?! A LIGHT BLUE BENTLEY? Now she is Barbie’s BFF Teresa. That car is not real.
  • “I just want happiness and love” HAHA
  • What is this roller blading bit?! Awkward.
  • This background song is too much for me. “Isn’t she crazy beautiful…”
  • LET’S MEET THE MEN
  • Commercial
  • First we gotta chat with Chris, which I could do for hours and still be happy.
  • “I feel like Cinderella and I’m in that white dress” Uh, no you’re in a green shirt, are you delusional?
  • Everything Des says is so general. “When I truly love, I give it all” “I do want to settle down” “I want a man
  • Yes, you are getting emotional. Stop lying. Chris sees it and we see it too.
  • OMG MORE TEARS, yesssss.
  • Look at that silver dress! She’s like a statue.

1 DesinSILVER

  • Commercial
  • We know who you are Chris Harrison, you silly goose.
  • Yeah, hopefully there is romance, otherwise there is no show!
  • Bryden from Missoula?! That’s a weird city name and a weird human name.
  • He has a german shepherd, so I approve.
  • Chicago bro aka Will the banker who does Bikram yoga “It’s massively sweaty” I’m stealing this phrase.

willDAbanker

  • Drew from Scottsdale, wooooo! What a cutie, I’ve been to Scottsdale, why didn’t I meet him?! I have a good feeling about this guy.
  • Nick R the tailor/magician. HAHA!
  • Zak is tan and has crazy eyes & is shirtless… & in his underwear/naked???

zakwwhynaked

  • THE MAN BEHIND SIGN SPINNING, YESSSSSSSS. Holla to you. This guy is cute, I forgot his name though.
  • A dentist, sketchy. BUT HE WAS BORN IN LONDON BUT LOST HIS ACCENT 😦 This dude has Edward from Twilight hair.
  • Adrenaline junkie, he loves “Being outside-all-day-long”… from Costa Mesa! OC REPRESENT! He has a sob story, hell yeah. “Attitude is everything.” He looks a little sunburnt.
  • Commercial
  • READY FOR THE DUDES, fo real.

desandchris

(Best Picture, Obviously)

  • Is her dress okay on the watered down driveway?
  • FIRST LIMO! Who will be the first bro?!
  • Drew from Scottsdale, yum.
  • Next is Brooks, I like his long hair & remember him from the beginning trailer.
  • Wishbone guy, kinda cute idea.
  • Bryden, why so serious?
  • Michael… is looking for Des’s penny from last season. OH MY. HERPY DERP.
  • Get out of the fountain, this is just embarrasing

MichaelLOokingforCOin

  • Limo numba two! Kasey, what is up with your hair? OMG social media guy, hashtags?! HAHA
  • Will da BANKER! Giving her the nickname of Athena? Okaaaay…
  • Jonathan the lawyer… Fantasy Suite? Uhhhh awkward. Is he high?!
  • OH NO, shirtless Zak. Why does he look so lost getting out of the limo?

ZakWnonono

  • “Will you accept these abs?” OH NO. He does have nice abs, but this is awkward.

abs

  • “If I become your husband…” what a phrase, but he seems nice.
  • Larry ER Doctor, ooooh la la. Teaching her a dance move, OH NO! Her dress!
  • Nick the magician! HAHA.
  • FIRE

MAGIC

  • Converse dude.
  • OMG a dude in a knight costume! HAHA! Diogo is sweaty under that armor!

knightarmor

  • Shirtless Dude’s reaction to the knight and shining armor is priceless!
  • … I don’t get how that is weirder than showing up shirtless.

zakwwhenknightwalksin

  • Commercial
  • 10 more guys to meet!
  • I like this guy’s purple shirt… He is down on one knee… uhhhh…

Chrisdownononeknee

  • but he is tying his shoe? Sort of funny, but not really.

Christiehisshoes

  • Mike R. the dentist, is in his doctors coat? McDreamy uh okay.
  • Wait, what? This dude took off his tie?
  • Juan Pablo from Venezualo.
  • Why did he have her say “who”? HAHA
  • “I love chocolate!” Des, come on!
  • Motorcycle bro pulling up. OH IT’S MY BRO FROM COSTA MESA!

MotorcycleBrandon?

  • Brian is in a fancy velvet jacket, noice!
  • UH WHAT IS THIS GUY WEARING? HAHA

designedsuit

  • Aw a poem
  • Dan is a beverage sales person… ?
  • OH NO A LITTLE KID…

BensBoy

  • WITH A HANDSOME DAD. “I gave her the flower” OH MY, TOO CUTE…

DadBen

  • Didn’t they make this guy out to be a bad guy in the initial preview?
  • Commercial
  • Here we go with the cocktail party!
  • #iwantarose
  • Magician Nick is gonna do a trick… the music, so good.
  • OHHH he tricked us. But he’s witty!
  • “That was funny actually” -Des, okay, she’s not into it
  • Costa Mesa Bro steals Des… he missed his bday party to interview for the show! “When it comes to hometown dates…” OH MY, he thinks he’s gonna make it to final 4, wow!
  • Ben, the hot dad, explains that he’s best friends with his baby mama. OOOH lots in common, a lot of people love to camp though… Des is getting up… TO GET A ROSE!
  • “He’s husband material” DAAAAAYUM!
  • “How many are there left?” – some dude “One less” -some other dude HAHA!!!
  • DUN DUN DUN The man claws come out!
  • Commercial
  • What was that dance?!
  • These clips of mini dates are hilarious!
  • Shirtless guy is now down to his undies & is jumping in the pool… Last I checked if you want to talk to a girl you stay near her, you don’t jump in the pool that she is not in!
  • Oh, but he got a rose! Good for him.

ZakWgetsarose

  • Bryden, why so serious, is now talking to Des. About his german shepherd, aw! & a cute story about a kid he met in Iraq!
  • “I felt like I wanted to give him a rose” -Des … just say “I wanted to give him a rose”
  • Juan Pablo! HAHAHA We will never know what he says!
  • Oh they are gonna play soccer! Oh he’s good.
  • and now LITERALLY everyone is playing soccer, weird.
  • Shirtless guy is face down… ?
  • Commercial
  • Cutie Drew is now chatting with Des, AW HE IS SO CUTE.
  • ER Docter Larry is freaking out!

Larry

  • “Let’s talk about the dip…” HAHA She didn’t know what he was talking about. OMG he is so awkward, I feel bad! This is paaaainful.
  • Fantasy Suite Jonathan is downing drinks… push ups?!
  • Sitting in the “Fantasy Suite alone?!”

fantasysuitejonathan

  • “I’m gonna try to kiss Desiree on the mouth”
  • “I have no filter” THIS DUDE, MY GOSH.
  • “My mom says I’m good looking” … what is a love tank?

jonathanmymomsaysimgoodlooking

  • Hashtag guy is ridiculous… FANTASY SUITE JONATHAN IS GOING HOME!
  • Chris Harrison comes to SHUT DOWN the cocktail party… time for the ROSE CEREMONY!
  • Costa Mesa Bro is already having “life changing feelings”
  • Commercial
  • Rose Ceremony Time!
  • Costa Mesa Bro Brandon gets a rose, the life changing feelings are mutual for now.
  • Will da Banker gets a rose!

WillDaBanker

(I had to include this ridiculous face he made, even though it was from earlier in the show)

  • Long Locks Brooks gets a rose, he really has beautiful hair.
  • #Kasey is staying…
  • I don’t remember half these dudes, I would be a bad bachelorette.
  • FINAL ROSE GOES TOOOOOOO —-> Mikey
  • ER Larry goes home, the magician is going home, & McDreamy is going home & some other dudes I don’t remember are going home.
  • Poor ER Larry, the dipper, he’ll be replaying the dip in his head for yeaaaars.
  • AW Diogo, the knight and shining armor is going home.

Moral of the Episode: Don’t do something crazy for a first impression! No dips, no magic, no work clothes, and no medieval armor, and don’t mention fantasy suites!

OMG ABC is calling this Man Candy Monday *face palm*

Season Preview: Sail boats, islands, helicopters, personal concerts, waves, FIGHTS, man tears, GIRLFRIENDS?! man tank tops, aaaand my favorite: tattle tales.

“This is the worst possible scenario” hahaha I’m so ready.