Speculations and Spectacles

bitching about bitches … and other musings


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The Bachelorette Episode 4: Mr. America, Man Freak Outs/Man Tears, & Jan & Manny

TONIGHT: Atlantic City, PLANES, “I’m on cloud 9”, Hurricanes :(, SHIRTLESS MEN!!! … Bryden hates Ben.

BrydenhatesBen

  • God, this opening music is so cheesy. Acoustic guitar strumming DERP
  • Chris Harrison’s shirt matches the walls… WHY IS EVERYTHING ELECTRIC BLUE? The candles on the table too!
  • “Nice chance to get to know Des on a totally different level” -Ben … the Atlantic City level?
  • Zak W jumps on a bed in the Atlantic City house and is annoying as usual. (Sorry I’m not sorry for being a hater)
  • Brad Who? gets a one on one date. Ohhh yeah he’s a dad just like Ben.
  • CHOCOLATE! nom nom nom let’s shove it in each other’s faces.
  • Why is everyone hating on Brad so much? This manly competition is a little too soap opera for me.
  • Commercial
  • Sand Castle Seat time! BALLER… I would just want to destroy it, hahaha

SandcastleBrad

  • Group date for a bunch of bros coming up!
  • Awww this conversation on this dinner date is a little awkward with Brad :/
  • UH OH… Brad isn’t getting a rose.
  • Bye bye Brad Who?
  • Brad walks down the spiral staircases forever… and ever…
  • HE’S CRYING, AWWWW NOOOOOO 😥
  • & Des is still at the top of the light house, hahaha!
  • Commercial
  • GROUP DIZZZATE TIME!
  • Zak W jumps in for the first hug, he’s weird, go home.
  • OMG Brooks just compared Des to a mystical unicorn, yes, I love him.
  • Miss America? … which means Mr. America pageant is happening!
  • Michael G dreamed of becoming Mr. America as a kid, I’m dead, so hilarious.

MichaelGMrAmerica

  • The guys need to go to the prop table and find their talent… Juan Pablo can do the baton?! HAHAHA
  • Zak W has no talent, but grabbed the guitar?
  • Chris is in heels!

ChrisinHeels

  • Ben tries to jump through the ribbon he is spinning.
  • Drew is practicing Shakespeare!
  • OOH bathing suit part of the competition, I see a few speedos in there!

BenSpeedo

  • OH MY…  the pageant is in front of a live audience, of course bros!
  • Commercial
  • Was that someone putting lotion on Mikey?!
  • Luscious Locks Brooks is nervous, awwww!
  • Starting with the interview portion!
  • Kasey goes up first!
  • Brooks would be a lion in the wild, he has the mane part down.
  • Aw Chris, the more we see him, the more I like him!
  • Juan Pablo is never taken seriously.
  • OMG MIKEY WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
  • “I’m tired of being a piece of meat, I want to get across that I am sensitive” – Mikey

MikeyPieceofMeat

  • #Kasey is a tapping machine

KaseyTapdancing

  • Mikey said he wasn’t a piece of meat but now he is doing hand stand push ups?

MikeyBeingaMeathead

  • OMG Brooks, what?!
  • BEN, What?! Ribbon dancer with an O face? …OH NO.

BenRibbonDancing

  • Bryden is pelvic thrusting… I guess that is a talent?
  • Zak W actually can sort of sing and play the guitar, plus one point for him.

ZakWwhat

  • Now Mikey is flexing his chest muscles, really you aren’t a piece of meat? Hahahaha

MikeyBeingameathead2

  • Oh Brooks, I love you so much.

Brooksswimsuit

  • Who knew Drew was so ripped?!

WHOADREW

  • Love the swimsuit portion of the competition!

Brydenswimsuit

  • Now for the winners: 3rd place- Brooks (princess wave!), 2nd place- Zak W 1st place- Kasey!!!
  • AWWWW I loved this little competition

theguyssuits

  • HOLY CRAP WHAT IS COMING UP?! BRYDEN IS UPSET!
  • Commercial
  • Chris is opening up to Des about writing poetry & reads it to her… (the sound is so awful)
  • Now Bryden is going on a hate rampage about Ben.
  • OHHH Ben sits right in front of the other dudes with Des for one on one time.

Bensittinginfrontofdudes

  • HA! That shot of Ben sitting all alone, the producers had to of asked for that, right?!
  • James is back at the house in a robe drinking wine alone! HAHAHA, Love it!
  • Uh oh Zak W wants to finish the song from the competition he wasn’t able to finish, a little awkward, she doesn’t look very into it :/
  • Zak W really REALLY really wants the rose.
  • Bryden didn’t get any time?! 😦
  • Zak W actually did get the rose, I really don’t think he’ll stick around much longer though.
  • Commercial
  • James gets his one on one date now… WHAT IS ZAK W WEARING? go home.
  • James & Des are going to see what Hurricane Sandy did to the Jersey Shore.
  • How sad!
  • The windows are all fogged in the helicopter, how can they see out? Oh now we see someone rubbing it clean, hahaa
  • Woah, the boardwalk is gone & the roller coaster in the water 😦
  • Commercial
  • They are meeting a couple who are in the process of rebuilding… here we go generic Bachelor sad music.
  • Aw the couple spent their anniversary in the Red Cross Shelter during the hurricane!
  • Des & James give the couple their fancy date ABC had planned for the show… I’m sure this was planned, but it’s really nice!
  • Commercial
  • It would be funny if the camera crew only followed the Jersey couple and not Des & James, hahaha!
  • It’s almost awkward they sent a camera crew with them! Let them be!
  • Des and James seem really into each other… uh oh James is confessing something, dun dun dun
  • HE CHEATED ON HIS EX… his freshman year in college (I mean, come on)
  • It’s still cheating, but so many changes happen in that transition period and he was sorry about it, “It broke his heart” … He wouldn’t have admitted it if he wasn’t making a point that he’s changed.
  • AW ABC RECREATED THEIR WEDDING ALBUM.
  • Commercial
  • “Why isn’t The Situation on this show? He’s from the Jersey Shore” -my Dad
  • OMG their old photos!
  • Des and James come back to meet up with Manny & Jan
  • Manny & Jan get a private concert!
  • Screw the rest of this season, lets just follow Manny & Jan & give them all the dates/trips planned.
  • Manny’s got some hip swinging moves 😉
  • … What is James didn’t get a rose, HAHAHA
  • Don’t worry, he got a rose
  • and SURPRISE! James and Des still get to enjoy the concert
  • This date was definitely a huge step forward for their relationship
  • I can’t wait to see Bryden’s freak out!
  • Commercial
  • Bryden is having some issues with his feelings, dun dun dun.
  • I don’t blame him, he didn’t even get to talk to her at the group date!
  • Michael G is getting some one on one time during the cocktail party
  • … What is this, he is telling her why he likes her to her spelling of her name and his last name initial
  • OH NO, that kiss was awkward.
  • Bryden is having a quarter show crisis!
  • Chris and Des talking about friends, uh oh… nope not in the friend zone. That was a cute moment! But seriously Des, figure out what you’re saying because I was thinking the same thing as Chris!

chrisfriendkisschrisfriendzone

  • Bryden is losing his romantic feelings?! What is going on?
  • THEY ARE TALKING
  • So glad he pushed his hair to the side
  • Okay… seems like he is staying?
  • Commercial
  • What is that spinning rose outside?! COOL
  • 1 bro going home tonight
  • The guy I can’t remember his name is my prediction for going home
  • Hopefully she gives Bryden the first rose.
  • Oh Chris is okay too, he’s great.
  • Why is she keeping Bryden for the end? This is dumb and dramatic.
  • Bryden… long pause- BUT HE STILL ACCEPTS THE ROSE.
  • Mikey better be staying he is great, & I can’t remember the other dudes name.
  • DUH!
  • THE OTHER ZACK, HOW DID I FORGET HIS NAME. Because both Za(c)k’s should have gone home!
  • Bryden is being moody and weird still, what are those glances?!
  • OMG ZACK IS CRYING TOO! Two cryers this episode
  • They are heading to Munich, Germany!!!
  • PREVIEWS: SNOW! Chris & Brooks taking the friggen lead. Now no one likes James or Ben?! WHAT!!?? Des crying? Michael G in a limo? going home? upset? WHAAAAT?
  • “Today is Armageddon”  YES

PS- the credits are really great this season:

zakWcredits

Brookscredits

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The Bachelorette Episode 2: Right Reasons LOL

Heeeere we gooo!

  • Luscious Locks Brooks gets the first 1 on 1 date!
  • Des’s thing for this season is gonna be her sketching before every episode.
  • QT Drew is wearing a purple sweatshirt made out of towel material… uh…
  • Hot Dad Ben can’t pronounce “genuine”, awkward
  • Commercial
  • Is Des wearing a bumpit in her hair?
  • They’re trying wedding dresses and tuxes, kinda weird.
  • They have a date on the Hollywood sign?! in wedding clothes? So strange, for the first date.
  • They’re sitting on the “L” for Love.
  • First kiss of the season!
  • Commercial
  • Driving down a closed road… this is set up, duh!
  • How did they know who wanted red or white wine before they arrived? and are they going to drink it?
  • The generic sad bachelor music is on for Brooks’s sad story about his dad.
  • Back at the Man Mansion: many dudes getting a group date. The dudes are drinking red wine, classy.
  • Luscious Locks Brooks is here to stay.
  • Omg, he smiles when he’s nervous, I love it.
  • Here’s the first private concert of the season… & awkward dancing and singing along, they obviously didn’t drink enough of that wine.
  • “Can it get any better than this?” Um, yes Des, it can, we still have a whole season ahead of us!
  • Commercial
  • “Did somebody tell them to wear bright shirts? With nothing on them?” -My Mom
  • They are starring in their own rap videos! How awkward for all the white dudes.
  • Soulja Boy is there! “Love is a little bit like Hip Hop” If you say so!
  • Was that a shimmy?!
  • I love when guys need to learn dance moves.
  • WHY DOES COSTA MESA BRO BRANDON NOT HAVE PANTS ON?
  • Ben the FILF is up
  • Aw poor Bro Brandon is having such a hard time 😦 Give him some pants!
  • How about Soulja Boy gets a rose and two guys go home tonight?
  • Commercial
  • Lets find out who is really here for the right reasons…
  • Shirtless Zak has crazy eyes… and a shirt on now.
  • Such an odd gift for someone you don’t know.
  • “When you see me smile, this is how I experience life” … wait, what?
  • “Love is like a butterfly” -Costa Mesa Bro Brandon
  • FILF Ben is being a HAWK.
  • “I got swooped” -Mikey T. hahaha!
  • Where does ABC get their blankets for these shows?!
  • FILF Ben goes for another swoop, this time a swoop for a kiss.
  • Costa Mesa Bro Brandon sees & gets bummed out. WAH WAH 😦
  • Commercial
  • Michael G. wants women to be treated correctly! “Not on my watch”
  • “Realness is missing” -Mikey on FILF Ben
  • Manfrontation between Mikey and Ben! AH. Is Ben already the Tierra of this season?! Ben better talk about his sparkle when he goes home.
  • “I like your shoes, man” This is how dudes settle disputes.
  • DATE CARD back at the MANsion
  • Y SO SERIOUS Bryden gets the next date!
  • “She’s absolutely perfect, she’s an angel” – Bro Brandon
  • “I was born, I had a dad and a mom like you did” -Bro Brandon
  • SOB STORY TIME, Bro Brandon just wants to share errrrthang right off the bat. It kinda explains why he’s a bit strange though.
  • “I just want to love you” -Bro Brandon
  • Kinda shocked FILF Ben got the rose over Costa Mesa Bro Brandon.
  • Wait… everyone on the show has feelings for Ben according to him?
  • Commercial
  • Okay, the guys’ shirts/v-necks are really bugging my mom.
  • ROAD TRIIIIIIP! Spring Break! HOLLA!
  • “California embodies everything that I am” Oh okay, Des.
  • Bryden seems cool.
  • They’re in an orange grove… and now Ojai! Hippyville, EYO!
  • Commercial
  • Ojai OHAI 😉
  • Bryden’s hair bugs me.
  • SOB STORY #3 Bryden got in a gnarly accident when he was in college, yikes!
  • He just has those pictures in his pocket?! From the accident?!!!!
  • Who had to light all these candles?
  • “It doesn’t seem like you open up easily” yet you had those pictures in your pocket…
  • More candles! I feel bad for the intern who had to light them all.
  • Hot tub time, awkward small talk, pre-kiss…AMIRIGHT?!
  • Kiss #3 of the night, you go Bryden.
  • Commercial
  • Another Rose Ceremony Another Sparkly Dress
  • Michael has type 1 diabetes and starts to tell Des about it but FILF Ben steals Des away, how lame!
  • FILF Ben the swooper
  • Mikey is pissed even though it didn’t happen to him (this time)
  • Commercial
  • WHOA Michael is manfronting Ben. Yikes!
  • “He chose the wrong person to lie to” -Michael
  • I can’t believe there is already bro drama, this early in the season.
  • Why is this dude carrying her? Whaaaat was this guy’s name :/
  • “The D word”… HAHA Divorce! That took me a minute.
  • (That was Brian)
  • Commercial
  • Rose Ceremony
  • ONE ROSE LEFT FOUR DUDES LEFT
  • Costa Mesa Bro Brandon gets the last rose
  • Will da Banker is going home, Robert the spinning sign entrepreneur is going home, and so is Nick M (…who?)  😦
  • Preview: More Ben drama coming up
  • This music video is waaaaay white.


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The Bachelorette Season Premiere!

BACK ROW: BRAD, ROBERT, KASEY, BROOKS, WILL, BEN, JUAN PABLO, MIKE R., BRIAN, CHRIS, JONATHAN;MIDDLE ROW: DAN, BRYDEN, ZAK, DREW, MICHAEL, ZACH, NICK M., BRANDON;FRONT ROW: DIOGO, MICAH, LARRY, DESIREE HARTSOCK, MIKEY T., JAMES, NICK R.

Oh the places they’ll go! Oh the tears that will be shed! Oh the handsome pissed off men! Oh the abs!

FIGHTS! Des crying! I love this preview of the season.

Let’s try and remember these faces in the preview for when they get out of the limos…

  • What’s this silver normal looking car pulling up? OHAI Des!
  • It’s Chris Harrison ❤
  • Des’s bangs are gone, she looks… older? More profesh?
  • BABY DES PHOTO! AW!
  • Can I be the bachelorette? I could live in that mini mansion 😉
  • Get out of the tub, Des, there is more to see.
  • OMG she’s already crying?! Geez
  • Flashback to Sean, the good memories & the bad.
  • “I still have a positive outlook” said while crying… convincing, Des.
  • She looks like a laker girl.
  • WHAT?! A LIGHT BLUE BENTLEY? Now she is Barbie’s BFF Teresa. That car is not real.
  • “I just want happiness and love” HAHA
  • What is this roller blading bit?! Awkward.
  • This background song is too much for me. “Isn’t she crazy beautiful…”
  • LET’S MEET THE MEN
  • Commercial
  • First we gotta chat with Chris, which I could do for hours and still be happy.
  • “I feel like Cinderella and I’m in that white dress” Uh, no you’re in a green shirt, are you delusional?
  • Everything Des says is so general. “When I truly love, I give it all” “I do want to settle down” “I want a man
  • Yes, you are getting emotional. Stop lying. Chris sees it and we see it too.
  • OMG MORE TEARS, yesssss.
  • Look at that silver dress! She’s like a statue.

1 DesinSILVER

  • Commercial
  • We know who you are Chris Harrison, you silly goose.
  • Yeah, hopefully there is romance, otherwise there is no show!
  • Bryden from Missoula?! That’s a weird city name and a weird human name.
  • He has a german shepherd, so I approve.
  • Chicago bro aka Will the banker who does Bikram yoga “It’s massively sweaty” I’m stealing this phrase.

willDAbanker

  • Drew from Scottsdale, wooooo! What a cutie, I’ve been to Scottsdale, why didn’t I meet him?! I have a good feeling about this guy.
  • Nick R the tailor/magician. HAHA!
  • Zak is tan and has crazy eyes & is shirtless… & in his underwear/naked???

zakwwhynaked

  • THE MAN BEHIND SIGN SPINNING, YESSSSSSSS. Holla to you. This guy is cute, I forgot his name though.
  • A dentist, sketchy. BUT HE WAS BORN IN LONDON BUT LOST HIS ACCENT 😦 This dude has Edward from Twilight hair.
  • Adrenaline junkie, he loves “Being outside-all-day-long”… from Costa Mesa! OC REPRESENT! He has a sob story, hell yeah. “Attitude is everything.” He looks a little sunburnt.
  • Commercial
  • READY FOR THE DUDES, fo real.

desandchris

(Best Picture, Obviously)

  • Is her dress okay on the watered down driveway?
  • FIRST LIMO! Who will be the first bro?!
  • Drew from Scottsdale, yum.
  • Next is Brooks, I like his long hair & remember him from the beginning trailer.
  • Wishbone guy, kinda cute idea.
  • Bryden, why so serious?
  • Michael… is looking for Des’s penny from last season. OH MY. HERPY DERP.
  • Get out of the fountain, this is just embarrasing

MichaelLOokingforCOin

  • Limo numba two! Kasey, what is up with your hair? OMG social media guy, hashtags?! HAHA
  • Will da BANKER! Giving her the nickname of Athena? Okaaaay…
  • Jonathan the lawyer… Fantasy Suite? Uhhhh awkward. Is he high?!
  • OH NO, shirtless Zak. Why does he look so lost getting out of the limo?

ZakWnonono

  • “Will you accept these abs?” OH NO. He does have nice abs, but this is awkward.

abs

  • “If I become your husband…” what a phrase, but he seems nice.
  • Larry ER Doctor, ooooh la la. Teaching her a dance move, OH NO! Her dress!
  • Nick the magician! HAHA.
  • FIRE

MAGIC

  • Converse dude.
  • OMG a dude in a knight costume! HAHA! Diogo is sweaty under that armor!

knightarmor

  • Shirtless Dude’s reaction to the knight and shining armor is priceless!
  • … I don’t get how that is weirder than showing up shirtless.

zakwwhenknightwalksin

  • Commercial
  • 10 more guys to meet!
  • I like this guy’s purple shirt… He is down on one knee… uhhhh…

Chrisdownononeknee

  • but he is tying his shoe? Sort of funny, but not really.

Christiehisshoes

  • Mike R. the dentist, is in his doctors coat? McDreamy uh okay.
  • Wait, what? This dude took off his tie?
  • Juan Pablo from Venezualo.
  • Why did he have her say “who”? HAHA
  • “I love chocolate!” Des, come on!
  • Motorcycle bro pulling up. OH IT’S MY BRO FROM COSTA MESA!

MotorcycleBrandon?

  • Brian is in a fancy velvet jacket, noice!
  • UH WHAT IS THIS GUY WEARING? HAHA

designedsuit

  • Aw a poem
  • Dan is a beverage sales person… ?
  • OH NO A LITTLE KID…

BensBoy

  • WITH A HANDSOME DAD. “I gave her the flower” OH MY, TOO CUTE…

DadBen

  • Didn’t they make this guy out to be a bad guy in the initial preview?
  • Commercial
  • Here we go with the cocktail party!
  • #iwantarose
  • Magician Nick is gonna do a trick… the music, so good.
  • OHHH he tricked us. But he’s witty!
  • “That was funny actually” -Des, okay, she’s not into it
  • Costa Mesa Bro steals Des… he missed his bday party to interview for the show! “When it comes to hometown dates…” OH MY, he thinks he’s gonna make it to final 4, wow!
  • Ben, the hot dad, explains that he’s best friends with his baby mama. OOOH lots in common, a lot of people love to camp though… Des is getting up… TO GET A ROSE!
  • “He’s husband material” DAAAAAYUM!
  • “How many are there left?” – some dude “One less” -some other dude HAHA!!!
  • DUN DUN DUN The man claws come out!
  • Commercial
  • What was that dance?!
  • These clips of mini dates are hilarious!
  • Shirtless guy is now down to his undies & is jumping in the pool… Last I checked if you want to talk to a girl you stay near her, you don’t jump in the pool that she is not in!
  • Oh, but he got a rose! Good for him.

ZakWgetsarose

  • Bryden, why so serious, is now talking to Des. About his german shepherd, aw! & a cute story about a kid he met in Iraq!
  • “I felt like I wanted to give him a rose” -Des … just say “I wanted to give him a rose”
  • Juan Pablo! HAHAHA We will never know what he says!
  • Oh they are gonna play soccer! Oh he’s good.
  • and now LITERALLY everyone is playing soccer, weird.
  • Shirtless guy is face down… ?
  • Commercial
  • Cutie Drew is now chatting with Des, AW HE IS SO CUTE.
  • ER Docter Larry is freaking out!

Larry

  • “Let’s talk about the dip…” HAHA She didn’t know what he was talking about. OMG he is so awkward, I feel bad! This is paaaainful.
  • Fantasy Suite Jonathan is downing drinks… push ups?!
  • Sitting in the “Fantasy Suite alone?!”

fantasysuitejonathan

  • “I’m gonna try to kiss Desiree on the mouth”
  • “I have no filter” THIS DUDE, MY GOSH.
  • “My mom says I’m good looking” … what is a love tank?

jonathanmymomsaysimgoodlooking

  • Hashtag guy is ridiculous… FANTASY SUITE JONATHAN IS GOING HOME!
  • Chris Harrison comes to SHUT DOWN the cocktail party… time for the ROSE CEREMONY!
  • Costa Mesa Bro is already having “life changing feelings”
  • Commercial
  • Rose Ceremony Time!
  • Costa Mesa Bro Brandon gets a rose, the life changing feelings are mutual for now.
  • Will da Banker gets a rose!

WillDaBanker

(I had to include this ridiculous face he made, even though it was from earlier in the show)

  • Long Locks Brooks gets a rose, he really has beautiful hair.
  • #Kasey is staying…
  • I don’t remember half these dudes, I would be a bad bachelorette.
  • FINAL ROSE GOES TOOOOOOO —-> Mikey
  • ER Larry goes home, the magician is going home, & McDreamy is going home & some other dudes I don’t remember are going home.
  • Poor ER Larry, the dipper, he’ll be replaying the dip in his head for yeaaaars.
  • AW Diogo, the knight and shining armor is going home.

Moral of the Episode: Don’t do something crazy for a first impression! No dips, no magic, no work clothes, and no medieval armor, and don’t mention fantasy suites!

OMG ABC is calling this Man Candy Monday *face palm*

Season Preview: Sail boats, islands, helicopters, personal concerts, waves, FIGHTS, man tears, GIRLFRIENDS?! man tank tops, aaaand my favorite: tattle tales.

“This is the worst possible scenario” hahaha I’m so ready.