Speculations and Spectacles

bitching about bitches … and other musings


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She’s Just Being Miley… right? Sorry I’m not sorry for partying?

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Okay, so what’s up with Miley Cyrus’s new music video?

(Surprise! I’m blogging about something other than The Bachelor[ette])

I mean seriously!  It’s like a Terry Richardson and Tyler Shields made a video love child, an awkward, tacky, horrible love child… ( For the record, I don’t think either of them had anything to do with this video) This video consists of every dumb high school party photo pose, as well as Miley acting like a wannabe black chick combined with a rap gangster.

She’s obviously obsessed with her butt, she has posted pictures & videos of her behind previously and honestly, I think we see her booty more than her face in this new video.

I love awkward things/moments/etc but this video is TOO awkward even for me.

I’m gonna try something here, I’m gonna write a live a response to the video as I watch it and see what happens, let me know if you like it or not:

  • “We Can’t Stop” in giant yellow lettering: hipster beginning found in many music videos now.

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(JUST NOW NOTICED THE SCISSORS CUTTING THE ANKLE MONITOR, stop trying to be Lindsay Lohan)

  • Pink BEATS by Dre speaker, blinged out hand… aiiight Miley.
  • Oh god, popping in two gold teeth?! Is that a grill? WTF is that? (we are only 10 seconds into this damn video)

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(why, the faces?!)

  • Smoke coming out of some chick’s crotch. SO COOL, not.
  • Okay, I would like to roast marshmallows from candles.

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  • OHAI BOOTY SHOT

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  • When did Miley get all these tats?!

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(I can count!)

  • Oh cool, some dude eating a sandwich of money. Thanks for rubbing it in that I am poor. PS- you probably have diseases now, money ain’t clean, fool!

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($HUNEDDS, HUNNEDS? OKAY, HUNDREDS$)

  • I HAVE THAT LIP GLOSS… PRODUCT PLACEMENT.

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  • I’m seriously interested if sales are gonna spike for eos now.
  • Keep you’re fucking tongue in your mouth, Miley. Stop making weird faces.
  • Did that guy have two tongues?!

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  • Booty shaking with projections on yer bod, um okay

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  • and now booty slapping.
  • lots of weird shit, and now Dancing giants teddy bears?

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  • More booty moves in a bath tub? Is that a bath tub? or just a box?

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  • Gyrating with yo legs spread, you’re a classy beezy, Miley.

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  • Twerk spelled in ravioli on the spoon = Best part.

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  • OMG more booty shaking, Miley is the only white chick.

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(PUT THAT TONGUE BACK IN YOUR MOUTH)

  • It’s like she’s a reputable booty shaker since she’s with her black lady friends.
  • Best lyrics are right here: “To my homegirls here with the big butts/Shaking it like we at a strip club/Remember only God can judge us/Forget the haters cause somebody loves ya” … So what she’s saying is be a stripper, or at least act like one, because God loves you.
  • PS- I might be a hater, woops, I think God still loves me too though.

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(#1 white booty award goes to MILEY, she wishes)

  • Hm taxidermy, awkward.
  • OH and now a GIANT fur coat.

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(I’m calling PETA)

  • Clever coke reference here: “everyone in line in the bathroom/Trying to get a line in the bathroom”
  • Oh Miley, you bad!
  • Why is she kissing her mini-me Barbie?

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  • HIPSTER PARTY

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  • More crotch smoke, fun, so fun. (I hope you can sense my sarcasm)
  • MMM lots of bread, that boy def ain’t gluten free!

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  • What are these weird faces she keeps making? It’s like tongue out or bearing her teeth 24/7.

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  • What are these awkward but sexual moves, Miley?
  • On a scale of 1 to Uncomfortable… I’m EXTREMELY uncomfortable.
  • Booty grab with the black franzzz

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  • Gosh, this is WAY too easy to make fun of.

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  • Sun’s out tongues out. Miley’s motto, even when the sun isn’t out.

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  • High school party pose: (Every girl and possibly guy has done this at least once)

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  • More tongue, just what the doctor ordered

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  • Did her head just get stepped on? (3:02)
  • She just kissed a passed out dude’s stomach… RAPE

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  • Some more gyrating on what appears to be grandma’s bed, or at least grandma’s sheets.

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  • Oh and we end with these odd moment where we feel as if we are taking her picture because she keeps making fucking weird faces.

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(Make it stop, oh yes it finally does.)

Alright Miley, my advice: leave the partying music videos to Ke$ha. The song is sort-of catchy though.

aaand I freaking love the gifs people are posting on tumblr with the Disney logo, HAHAHA:

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Watch the entire music video here:

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