Speculations and Spectacles

bitching about bitches … and other musings


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The Bachelorette Episode 5

TONIGHT: Lederhosen, TEARZ, DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA, snow, oh and DRAMA!

I hope Zak W goes home tonight

  • Germany! WOOP WOOP
  • What just happened where all the guys were yelling? Something on a building?
  • “This is Des’s first time in Europe” -Chris Harrison, LAWL
  • Bachelor Pad Germany Edition
  • Chris gets a one on one date! HOLLA, he’s definitely a front runner, right now.
  • It’s both of their first times in Europe! They’re both broke… like me! HA
  • Commercial
  • Bryden is still freaking out, big surprise.
  • “A little andaid over a deeper wound” WHAT BRYDEN? When did you get a big wound?
  • WTF HE’S LEAVING?! I don’t get it.
  • He flies to Germany and leaves the first or second day there?
  • Des and Chris are skipping in a square, the date is going perfectly
  • “Nothing could go wrong” According to Chris.
  • And then Bryden goes searching for Des… to ruin their date.
  • I mean seriously, why couldn’t he wait until Chris got back to the hotel?
  • Commercial
  • Party Pooper Bryden is watching then from across the square, this is getting weird.
  • Sad Bachelor music playing all over the place.
  • “I’m not gonna let Bryden affect my date with Chris” -Des as she starts to cry
  • Back at Bachelor Pad Hotel the group date card comes.
  • Ben and Michael G are left with the two on one date… PRODUCERS PLANNED THIS! They hate each other!
  • Commercial
  • Fancy date time.
  • What are you looking for Chris?
  • AWWWW POEM!
  • “This is real and this is happening” -Chris
  • CUTE
  • Commercial
  • Aw the German snow, how lovely.
  • HIGHEST PEAK IN ALL OF GERMANY! Weeeoooo
  • Juan Pablo yodeling… oh and he can’t pronounce yodel.
  • Mikey is perfect at yodeling hahahaa
  • Des give the old man a rose and get rid of Zak W, hurry!
  • OPE Des eats shit, then Drew knocks into her and she keeps going.
  • Everyone is just knocking Des with Snowballs and attacking, HAHA!
  • & dudes making snow angels.
  • Back at the hotel the tension is SOOO obvs
  • Commercial
  • SNOW TUNNEL/MANSION WHAT? SO COOL!
  • Can these things collapse?
  • Brooks wants that rose, HOLLA. I love Brooks.
  • Brooks and Chris final 2. I’m calling it!
  • Mikey and Des are making snow them.
  • OH NO Zak W is walking around with two wine glasses, lurking hardcore.
  • Now he’s yodeling.
  • WHAT HE WAS GOING TO BE A PRIEST?! The guy that was shirtless the whole first episode and naked on his balcony on the first episode was going to be a priest!?!???!!!
  • He’s such a weirdo.
  • James is psyching himself out.
  • Drew is dishing to us about James… hmmm
  • and now Brooks is hating on him?
  • WAIT Brooks is now intruding on James and Des’s time together?
  • Or is he just spying?! OMG this is totally the lurk episode tonight.
  • The guys are getting weird yo
  • YES! BROOKS GOT THE ROSE!
  • “She didn’t see him lurking around the corner though!” -My Mom
  • I want those blue champagne glasses.
  • Commercial
  • 2 on 1 date time!
  • WHOA Ben sounds a little like Tierra last season
  • “I’m gonna look at it as a 1 on 1 with me and Des and Michael is just an awkward spectator” -Ben
  • Awkward.
  • Ben and Michael in the limo together, both pretending the other isn’t there! HAHA!
  • Michael is gonna go all attorney on Ben’s ass!
  • What if both go home! That would be dramatic.
  • Michael pulls out some German.
  • It’s a flattery competition.
  • Polar Bear Plunge?! Noooo… it has to be so cold!
  • Why does Michael have a matching head band? HAHA.
  • Surprise, no jumping in the water!
  • OMG floating hot tub on the lake! AWESOME!
  • THE SOUND IS SO BAD IN THIS JACUZZI!
  • Michael is totally attacking Ben and Ben is actually being civil about it.
  • Michael is gonna end up going home for this.
  • Commercial
  • Mikey and James are best buds, look at them hugging.
  • WHOA Kasey and Drew overheard a crazy conversation between James and Mikey!!!
  • Yikes! Tears are coming up!
  • Back at the 2 on 1 date both guys are wearing purple shirts peaking out from their sweaters.
  • Michael is focusing way too much on Ben on this date!
  • He hasn’t said one thing to Des.
  • There we go, Des you take control of the conversation.
  • Wait, Michael keeps taking jabs at Ben.
  • Michael is making himself look really really bad.
  • OH WOW, she might let both of them go, that’s probably the best option.
  • Commercial
  • Yeah, Michael, you did fuck up.
  • Yep, time to split up the guys up to chat alone.
  • Michael got the rose! HOLY CRAP, WOW!
  • Ben is PISSED!
  • HAHA All the guys are so stoked that Ben is going home.
  • Ben is acting psycho in the limo. AYYYY!
  • Commercial
  • Des may do something different this rose ceremony, wonder what it will be.
  • Chris Harrison plays 20 questions with Des.
  • SURPRISE! NO COCKTAIL PARTY!
  • Des! The guys need to tell you information!
  • James saying “You look beautiful” as soon as he possibly can, no cocktail party but he still gets his first word in.
  • Drew is extremely upset and disturbed
  • Commercial
  • They don’t ever show Juan Pablo, he might be going home.
  • They probably don’t show him too much because he needs subtitles, hahaha!
  • Juan Pablo is happy for Zak getting a rose.
  • Juan Pablo should be the next Bachelor!
  • HAHA Now its down to the best buds Mikey and James.
  • Whoooo will it be?
  • James is staying, bye bye Mikey! 
  • “The truth will be heard” -Drew
  • NEXT WEEK: Barcelona!!! Awesome! Man fights! Hell yeah! James vs. The Other Dudes.
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THE BACHELOR FINALE! …NEED I SAY MORE?!

First of all, I apologize for not blogging the Women Tell All, I did watch it but I’ve been battling this dumb cold for a week now and really wasn’t feeling up to blogging last week. But MAN the WTA episode was more than half TIERRA being delusional?! Seriously, then it was AshLee being a psycho bitch with beautiful hair. And pretty much no one else talked, wtf?! For anyone reading this, do you think Sean really told AshLee he had absolutely no feelings for the other two women?! I think that’s pretty unlikely, she probably heard what she wanted to hear the whole time she was on the show. She’s a bit too nuts and serious for me, I hope she isn’t the next Bachelorette, although she is pretty to look at.

ALRIGHT, NOW ONTO THE FINALE:

  • What is this live studio audience thing?! Are we watching Survivor?
  • OHAI ELEPHANT, I totally got an elephant post card in the mail today!
  • Sean’s family is visiting! How nice, they get a free trip to Thailand!
  • “Emily didn’t pick you” -little boy HAHAHA
  • Momma Lowe is skeptical!
  • Aw Catherine looks so cute!
  • Momma and Catherine chat time! Uh oh, I’m anxious for her!
  • I love how she gave him notes the first few weeks! We didn’t really get to see that though, we only saw one!
  • AW Sean’s dad said the sweetest things to Catherine!
  • Sean is still confused, Sean is always confused.
  • Commercial
  • BUTT TAP! WHO SAW THAT?!
  • Lindsay’s voice kinda bugs me :/
  • OH MY GOD THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT HER ARRIVING IN THE WEDDING DRESS FOR THE HUNDREDTH TIME! I wish I actually counted how many times this has been brought up.
  • BLAAAAH Lindsay is crying, talking about how Sean’s family prayed for Sean’s future wife.
  • LOL she asked for Sean’s hand in marriage.
  • Sean’s dad is wearing a pink undershirt!
  • So many tears from Lindsay.
  • Okay, so both girls got along with the family… now what?!
  • Also he said more about Lindsay after the family date… is he leaning towards her?!
  • Oh okay, “I think I could have a long happy marriage with either one of the girls”, okay Sean. You is confused.
  • Commercial
  • Momma Lowe lays it out on the line, and says “you don’t need to propose to either one of them” True that!
  • Momma Lowe is now crying “I couldn’t make a decision in 3 days so I don’t know how you will” UH OH.
  • HI CAMERA MAN IN THE BACKGROUND!
  • Commercial
  • Oh, hello there live audience & CHRIS HARRISON ❤
  • Final dates! Nice neon blue tank, Sean 😉
  • “I can’t believe how much I love him” -Lindsay blah blah
  • “I can picture you being a hot old chick” -Every girl wants to hear this, haha
  • Commercial
  • “I could leave with everything I’ve ever wanted and more… or I could leave with nothing” -Lindsay HAHAHA
  • So Sean saying don’t be nervous makes it seem like she’s the one, but $10 says he’ll say the same to Catherine! :/
  • What if these wish lanterns make Sean realize that Catherine is the one?! That would suck for Lindsay.
  • “At this moment, I really think she is the one for me” KEY WORDS: at this moment … uhhhhh
  • Commercial
  • “I woke up this morning a little stressed out”… I wonder why!
  • It’s a purple day for Catherine and Sean
  • Oh my gosh, Catherine is so excited about the Elephant. This is adorable.
  • “OH MY GOD we’re riding an elephant. THAILAND. what?” -Catherine, hahaha
  • Catherine holds back her emotions a little bit more when she is around Sean, if she doesn’t tell him how she feels she’ll end up like Lesley her lady-bud!
  • Commercial
  • Catherine just seems so genuine when she talks seriously. “I feel a lot” , AWWW.
  • “It melts my heart, the only thing holding me back is knowing there is still Lindsay” … yikes!
  • HEART BEATS, hahahahahaahaaaa.
  • She says “I love you” while his hand is on her butt, awesome!
  • AH YIKES, SHE’S FREAKING OUT! Is she not feeling it?!
  • “He has to be crazy about both of us at this point” -Well she’s got that right.
  • CHRIS HARRISON talking to the audience! Why am I not there to smash everyone’s dreams?! HAHA
  • Commercial
  • SHIRTLESS SEAN… wearing a towel skirt. HAWT!
  • HE’S MADE UP HIS MIND! holy moly. Finally. The. Day. of.
  • Hiiiii Neil Lane! OOH he picked out a nice ring!
  • OMG HE’S CRYING!
  • Lindsay’s crying in her talk to the camera, TEARS FOR ALL!
  • Wow, they are both wearing sparkly dresses.
  • Catherine’s crying too. ALL DA TEARS!
  • “You know who’s gonna win, one girls is in gold and the other is in silver” – My Dad
  • SUSPENSEFUL COMMERCIAL BREAK
  • “300 girls and 1 dude” – My dad
  • The fans like Catherine better!
  • OMG WHY IS PSYCHO ASHLEE THERE?!
  • AshLee’s putting in her two-cents.
  • 3/4 previous contestants think it’s Lindsay! Interesting. I think it’s Catherine.
  • Commercial
  • HERE IT ISSSSSS!
  • Is that a tea bag next to the rose?!
  • “I didn’t know it would be this tough to say goodbye”
  • “Silver’s the loser, gold is the winner” -My Dad
  • “Today is the day I get engaged” … No, sorry its not Lindsay :/
  • SHE KNOWS, THE MOMENT SHE SEE’S HIM. It’s not happening for her. YIKES SO PAINFUL!
  • But his speech seems like he could propose… but at the end of all the compliments “This is the toughest thing I have to do”
  • THE MUSIC, hahahaha. The same tune they use for everyone going home.
  • “Is it me?” -Lindsay… WELL DUH! That’s the dumbest question. If you aren’t getting proposed to, it is you.
  • Well at least she stayed composed and civil, I’m impressed with your response, Lindsay.
  • “That’s the first time she’s been intelligent” -My Dad, hahahahaa
  • “Someone had to lose” -My Dad
  • THE NOTE IS FROM CATHERINE!
  • Did Chris Harrison just say the wrong name of the girl who went home?
  • YES, I WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS IN THE LETTER!
  • Commercial
  • TELL ME WHAT’S IN THE NOTE!!! STOP TALKING CHRIS HARRISON! (I still love you though)
  • Oh, the letter is a sweet letter. Way to confuse the viewers!
  • That letter was adorable!
  • Blinks McGee Catherine!
  • Is she still breathing?! Catherine! Deep breaths!
  • Sparkly ring to go with a sparkling dress!
  • What if she said yes to marriage but no to the final rose?! HAHA
  • What is this magical Disney music?
  • ELEPHANT!
  • Are we in the Lion King?! What was that elephant noise at the end?!
  • WE GET TO FIND OUT WHO THE NEW BACHELORETTE IS TONIGHT! OH SHIT, IS THAT WHY ASHLEE IS THERE? Fuck. (excuse my french) I hope it’s Lesley or Sarah instead of AshLee!
  • I’m happy for him.
  • OMG there were tears in the live audience?! Hahaha
  • Ahhhh, Lindsay is there?! How heartbreaking 😦 Seeing each other for the first time since Thailand!
  • Commercial
  • I like Lindsay’s dress! Gosh, she wants to know what happened. Has she never broken up with someone before?
  • At least she’s happy for him, that’s nice. Good thing AshLee didn’t make it to the final two, she would have been so much more angry!
  • TOO MANY QUESTIONS, LINDSAY!
  • Oh no, she’s gonna cry again.
  • NO SHE BROUGHT UP THE WEDDING DRESS AGAIN!
  • Commercial
  • He looks so happy to see her, thats so cute.
  • HAHA she could see him in old age when they were in Canada!
  • Commercial
  • They have news?! Do they have a wedding date or is she preggers?! HAHA
  • Watching their proposal, how funny/sort of awkward.
  • HAHA she’s laughing at her reactions!
  • Sean’s crying! Awww how cute!
  • WEDDING ON TV TOO! Wow, I hope it actually happens! Has any Bachelor actually gotten married to their winner? I know Bachelorettes have.
  • It’s only been a year since he went on the show for Emily?! How weird to think about!
  • & next we get to find out who the next Bachelorette is!
  • Commercial
  • YAY THE NEXT BACHELORETTE IS DESIREE! She’ll be fun to watch!
  • But yeah of course it’s her, the wedding dress designer. HAHA!
  • She’s crying too! Yikes!
  • “In your wildest dreams” – Chris Harrison makes everything more dramatic.
  • What about her brother, will he continue to be a dick to everyone who dates his sister?!
  • “Thank you sooo much, thank you sooo much, thank you soooo MUCH” -Des

ALRIGHT FOLKS, SEE YOU IN THE SUMMER FOR THE BACHELORETTE, I GUESS!

Thanks for reading and watching along with me!


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The Bachelor Episode 9: FANTASY SUITES! Eating bugs and referring to Sean as ‘This Man’

THAILAND! … and over-night dates with a born-again virgin? ABC, you clearly realize sex sells

  • “It’s amazing to think these are my last 3 girls” I’m pretty sure he said this about his last 5, then 4 girls too.
  • He’s on a boat, alone, standing at the front. HOW LONELY. and yet how ridiculous.
  • Close up on scratched up knee. Ooh, he’s rugged 😉
  • OHAI bright blue MAN tank.
  • LOL HAMMOCK, I’m not even listening to what he is saying, these shots are too funny!
  • “My relationship with AshLee is probably the strongest relationship I have” -Sean… I really didn’t get that by watching. She’s too annoying. & no I don’t think Sean is CRAZY about her. It’s forced, you’re too similar or something.
  • AshLee aka Tears McGee
  • LOL Sean just said the same thing about a future with AshLee that he said about a future with Catherine!
  • Oh yeah lets mention for the 433rd time that Lindsay showed up the first night in a wedding dress. “She’s not the crazy girl I thought she was” SHUT UP.
  • “My heart is torn” so I’m gonna swim in the pool by myself and ponder my existence and future.

seanpoolchoosewife

  • Commercial
  • Lindsay gets the first date, and they are both wearing pastels, gross.
  • “It’s hard to look at beautiful Thailand, while I have this gorgeous guy sitting next to me” -Lindsay. Oh whatever.
  • WHY ARE THE BABY CHICKS COLORED?!
  • “You are not supposed to be pink” -Sean to baby chick. HAHAH!
  • I like that Lindsay realizes that the past dates are not normal, not RL
  • OOH THEY ARE GONNA EAT BUGS! Cool.

BUGS

  • This bug eating thing is hilarious, “I saw how brave Sean was” so she ate a bug too. I don’t know if I would call eating a delicacy “brave”
  • IF THESE GIRLS REFER TO SEAN AS “MAN” “THIS MAN” ONE MORE TIME I AM GOING TO VOMIT ON MY LAPTOP.
  • “You’re the best friend I’ve been looking for” -Sean, WOW, that’s kinda a big statement, lets see who he says it to next.
  • MONKEYS!
  • I like the monkeys photo-bombing their sunset silhouette shots

monkeyphotobomb

  • Commercial
  • Whoa, look at the flowers in the grass… and all those lights?
  • This is kinda crazy to just sit and eat in front of this stuff, I guess its fun for us to watch.
  • They should have a short series called Life After The Bachelor for the booted off contestants. Basically it would be them sulking in their hometowns and being mopey in their beds eating ice cream and Chris Harrison visiting them and asking serious questions.
  • Right before she’s able to say “I love you” all these performers come out! That shit cray.

lindsaynightdatewithperformers

  • FANTASY SUITE?!? … they say yes! OOH LA LA.
  • This is awkward… SHE SAID IT.
  • “I love you” … “I love hearing you say that” HAHAHAAAAA

tweetlove

  • Commercial
  • AshLee’s date now!
  • “I’m here with the love of my life” – AshLee
  • Okay, I’m gonna take a nap for AshLee and Sean’s date because its gonna be full of tears, metaphors, “this man”, and “love”.
  • “I just hope he feels the same way” – AshLee… he doesn’t have as much fun with her as the other girls.
  • and now for a BONUS tweet, from previous Bachelorette contestant Arie:

arieashleebikini

  • CAAAAVE!
  • Why is it so weird to swim into a cave? You’re not really alone, theres a film crew, or is it just a go-pro? … There is definitely a film crew.
  • “I think it’s important for AshLee to let go of control” -Sean
  • “I don’t do caves” – AshLee

ashleecaves

  • “You have to let go, otherwise you don’t fall in love” – AshLee, HAHA OH MY, another great AshLee quote making shit all sentimental.
  • Oh wow, they made it through the cave! I’m sure production checked out out and went through prior to the filming, I mean come on!
  • METAPHOR TIME, TAKE A SHOT! Oh wait we aren’t playing a drinking game, but if you are take a shot!

ashleemetaphorkiss

  • Mariah Carey’s song “We Belong Together” plays on repeat in AshLee’s head while she’s with Sean
  • It’s gonna suck when she goes home. *prediction*
  • Commercial
  • “Every part of my being wants to be engaged to Sean next week” -AshLee… just… stop… talking.
  • AshLee is nervous about the overnight date, she’s thinking about her morals! and remembers there are 2 other girls, dun dun DUN.
  • AshLee “I don’t take things lightly” Whateverherlastnameis
  • OMG SEAN, WE GET IT, YOU ARE FALLING IN LOVE WITH ALL THE GIRLS!
  • Too bad Neil Lane won’t provide three engagement rings
  • Umm… she said yes to the fantasy suite, what was all that about morals then?!
  • They’re probably just going to cuddle and fall asleep making metaphors about their relationship together.
  • “Honestly, before I met Sean I had a broken spirit, I guess” what’s going to happen when she gets sent home?!
  • This man has literally healed my broken heart” what happens when he re-breaks it?! Shit’s gonna get real thats what will happen.
  • Commercial
  • Ao Nang Beach- I first read as Ain’t No Thang Beach.
  • Titanic moment, STAAAHP IT.

catherinetitanic2

  • “Of the three remaining girls I think our lives are the most different.” -Sean
  • Catherine gets into this crazy-eyed thousand-mile gaze when she talks about serious stuff.
  • Oh noooo Catherine said “this man
  • OOH She did a back flip off the boat, that was cool!

catherineoceankiss

  • Catherine and Sean make the crazy weather come out, first a blizzard and now a rainy thunder storm out at sea.
  • But it’s okay they’re just gonna make out in the crazy weather

kissinginrain

  • Commercial 
  • “I feel like Catherine gets me better than everyone else” All these things Sean says just confuse me.
  • Oh, and you can see yourself marrying Catherine as well?! Big surprise!
  • Catherine talks about Fantasy Suites before the card even comes out!
  • Oh, theres the card… and she says yes also!
  • “I fell in love with Sean today” -Catherine, but did she tell him that?
  • Back in LA with Chris Harrison! We’ve missed you Chris! Oh this is just an ad for Oz…
  • Commercial

final2

  • Sean’s wearing purple again.
  • “I never pictured myself saying goodbye to this person” -Sean
  • Look at those baby blues, they look so sad.
  • “Is your wife here?” -Chris Harrison
  • He’s in love?! Does he already know the winner now?
  • PRIVATE VIDEO MESSAGES?! Interesting.
  • Commercial
  • OMG WITH THE FREAKING WEDDING DRESS, STOP TALKING ABOUT IT. YOU HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO SAY!?
  • AshLee’s video seems forced, or like she’s reading from a script. She’s crying, my god, calm the F down!
  • Okay, Sean looks uncomfortable, he’s sending her home!

watchingashleesvideo

  • Commercial
  • “The rain is very fitting today.” -Sean OOOH NOOO, someone is getting sent home in the rain.
  • “I just know I’m not supposed to be with her” -Sean ouch!
  • I like that Lindsay just cursed under her breath.
  • Was this long pause really this long in the moment?
  • AshLee is going home! Oh gosh, she looks not happy.
  • STARE OFF!
  • OH WOW, she doesn’t even want to talk to him.
  • “I thought it was you from the very beginning” -Sean stealing a line from Emily Maynard.
  • She looks so pissed! I’m surprised she isn’t crying!
  • BYE ASHLEE, you serious bitch.
  • Is he sitting in the rain, alone?! While Lindsay and Catherine look on?!

seansittingsentashleehome

  • Is she really trying not to cry on camera after she has so many other times?
  • The finale isn’t for 2 weeks?! But next week is women tell all!

Check back tomorrow for photos!


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The Bachelor: Sean Tells All (the boring stories aka nothing, nothing new here folks!)

HIII CHRIS HARRISON!

  • “Attacking my character is the quickest way to get me heated.” Yeah, we could see that by the look on your face, Sean.
  • WHAT? Des’s brother was nice at the beginning of the night? Did he get drunk or something and change his mind? Or upset Sean just for show?
  • Sean thinks it’s just because he’s a jackass.
  • Is this just a recap of last night?… BORING
  • Commercial
  • Let’s talk about one-armed Sarah!
  • “She just wants to be like everyone else” – Sean
  • Oh no! Roller derby memories. Sarah falling over and over again. Why did they put her on that date?!
  • Oh, they’re addressing that! … She didn’t want to be left out. Hmmm.
  • No passion behind their last kiss 😥
  • “She ripped out my heart when I heard that” -Sean, you’re too empathetic.
  • Commercial
  • Lets talk about Selma, the Iraqi, who couldn’t kiss on public tv.
  • “Selma did end up kissing you, but it was on the night you sent her home” -Chris Harrison
  • “After our 1 on 1 date I thought she was going to be the one” -says Sean, the ultimate confused bachelor.
  • Now lets talk about Lesley!
  • Sexy way to eat a brownie. “You know how Daddy likes his brownie. Give it to me.” Uhhh gross.
  • Commercial
  • Time to talk about Tierrable
  • “I walked into a hornets nest” HAHAHA
  • He felt duped! Well, duh.
  • Montana memories… the shitty week when Sean wanted to quit it all.
  • The Robyn Tierra mess went on for hours?! WOW
  • “Okay, I’m gonna go cry in the bathroom now” -Catherine HAHA
  • Commercial
  • Ashley P. The 50 shades of cray. Oh nooo, so drunk 😦
  • Catherine passing “nerd notes”
  • She fit in the wheel well of the truck/bus?!
  • Daniella pretending to be Chris Harrison! How funny!
  • We missed Wedding Dress Lindsay and Sean crowd surfing? Uhhh… snore.
  • Stop saying you have no idea who you’re going to send home.
  • FANTASY SUITE TALK! OOH LA LA!
  • WHAT WAS THAT GIGGLING ABOUT SEX… EXCUSE ME “A CHANCE TO BE PHYSICAL”
  • Preview for next week: STOOOOP CALLING SEAN “THIS MAN”, “These are my last three girls” , “Sean’s my soulmate”, the proposal stoop is a little witchy and weird with those plants!
  • OMG SEAN SHOWERING?! SERIOUSLY? HAHAHA


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The Bachelor Episode 8: Hometown Visits, Army Generals, Brothers, and Fake Exes

HOMETOWN DATEZ YA’LL! and probably 2 hours of AshLee saying “I love you” over an over again…

crazyaboutsomeone

OH AND FYI Tierra is engaged in real life already, since January!

tierraengaged

  • Starting with AshLee in Houston! 
  • “What if he says ‘You’re amazing, but you’re not the one'” … yeah I have a feeling that will happen, then you’ll be the next Bachelorette, but you’re boring so it will suck!
  • Picnic with tha’ pup.
  • AshLee has already said “love” like 15 times, too serious.
  • “I’m not gonna cry” -AshLee, yeah friggin right
  • All I hear when AshLee talks is “Blah blah blah LOVE blah blah TRUST blah blah MAN”

AshLeeLOVE

  • Commercial
  • “I’ve been dreaming about this day since I was 4 or 5 years old.” … So you knew you were going to go on a reality tv show to meet the possible love of your life? Okay.
  • AshLee’s Dad wants to know ERRRRTHANG.
  • OMG She’s crying again talking about the polar bear plunge, IT’S A METAPHOR, YO!

ashleemetaphor

  • Mom and Sean chat time! “What are your intentions? Will you break her heart?” … YES, he will.
  • Dad and Sean time “Are you in love with my daughter?” “I’m … crazy about your daughter” NOT THE SAME THING
  • Sean just smiles his pearly whites through the tough questions.
  • Aw Dad is talking about when he adopted AshLee and how he loved her from the minute he saw her. AW! There should be an adoption reality show! HAHA.
  • “There’s no doubt I want to marry this man.” UGH. She loves referring to him as “man”
  • TOO SERIOUS, GET OUT.
  • Commercial
  • Catherine’s Date now! Seattle, Washington! I want to go!
  • Catherine is so fun
  • “When I’m with Catherine I can see my wife” OOOH he didn’t say that with AshLee!
  • FISH THROWING?!!

seanfishcatching

  • Catherine passed the blizzard test and Sean passes the fish catching test
  • Fun romance always beats out serious romance *cough cough* AshLee
  • Can’t wait for him to meet Lola the filipino grandma
  • Commercial

catherinepushupsagain

  • Waaait, this pushup thing has happened before!
  • What a cute family of women!
  • HAHA look at that apron!

seanapron

  • The sisters feel they are being convinced to like him… uh oh
  • Sisters and Sean chat time!
  • The sisters are telling all, oh man, this is a little intense. Are they going to sabotage their relationship?

catherinessisters

  • Mom and Sean chat time!
  • Momma doesn’t want to give her blessing… never given.
  • This family is very skeptical, but who wouldn’t be? It’s the first time you meet the significant other and he may or may not propose in a couple weeks, or one week? Who knows the timing this all plays out in.
  • “I want love with Sean” – Catherine
  • Best part was the Filipino grandma

catherinegrandma

  • Commercial
  • Lindsay and her 2 star general Dad date time!
  • “I want to see what Sean is like in the real world” 2 points for realizing the past dates weren’t real life minus 10 for forgetting you’re still on camera therefore NOT REAL WORLD.
  • “I can see us settling down and raising a family here” THERE?! UH NO, SEAN WON’T MOVE THERE.
  • HAHA how to address Lindsay’s Dad.
  • Time to get army ready… What is this? An army/love boot camp run by Lindsay? This is definitely not real life.

lindsaykissmeharder

  • “That was weird” -Sean … yeah it was!
  • Commercial
  • Sean wore a purple sweater to meet a 2 star general. HAHA!
  • “Hopefully he sees I am a man” -Sean
  • Her parents didn’t know she came out of the limo in a wedding dress on the first night!
  • Sean and Mom chat time!
  • “Things are happening” -Lindsay’s mom, haha awkward
  • Mom likes Sean, you can totally tell.
  • No one wants to see their daughter get hurt… obviously.
  • Dad isn’t ready to give his blessing for marriage, SO SERIOUS! BUUUUT he gives his blessing anyways. How awkward if she isn’t the winner/the one.

purplesweaterdadtalk

  • “I would be honored to be a part of their family” -Sean, hmmm that’s a good sign!
  • Army tag gift, nice!
  • This seems like the most normal family meeting so far.
  • Commercial
  • Des’s hometown date! in LA, HOLLA!
  • She’s excited to see him!

Desjump

  • “I can see her being my wife”  -Sean, so he’s only said this about Catherine and Des now.
  • She made all of the artwork in the house? Interesting.
  • Knock on the door… who is this?! She looks so uncomfortable!
  • “Des I love you” -random dude … UH OH! & they were together for 2 years?
  • “Now that he’s here, I do have to tell you something” – Des… wutwutwut! HEEERE IT COMES! jk commercial time 😦
  • Commercial
  • Whaaaaat? It was a prank? HAHA, because he pranked her on the first date!

actordes

  • I feel used, I fell for it.
  • So Mom and Dad like Sean and Des together… but time for the brother! DUN DUN DUN
  • Is this not going to be as bad as they made it out to be? I am going to be duped by the edits of the previews again?
  • Commercial
  • Bro and Sean 1 on 1 chat…
  • Brother doesn’t approve, he thinks he’s just a “playboy” uh oh, Sean’s not down.

desbrother

  • How awkward.
  • “It’s impossible not to picture myself in this family with this brother” -Sean
  • UH OH. I would be pissed if he was my brother!
  • Commercial
  • LOL @ Sean putting his belt on before his rose ceremony!

SeanBelt

  • “I have no idea what I want to do, I have no clarity” Can’t he just marry them all!? Sister wives, Bachelor edition?

roseceremony

  • Narrowed down to Catherine and Des! OH NO!
  • Both girls had a little (or a lot) of tension on the family dates.
  • WHOA before the first rose is handed out Des asked to talk to Sean…
  • DOUBLE WHOA before the last rose Sean walks out of the room to rethink! YIKES.
  • “My advice: GET THIS RIGHT and take your time” -Chris Harrison, love genius. HAHA

chrisharrisontweet

  • Commercial
  • Do they water down the driveway to the mansion before every rose ceremony?
  • “Who will I miss the most?” -Sean, good question.

deliberationroom

(It’s really hard to choose a girl to send home when they are wearing Christmas colors in their photos)

  • CATHERINE GETS THE LAST ROSE. I bet Des is pissed at her brother!
  • Well obviously you think it’s a mistake, doesn’t everyone getting dumped feel that way?

desleaves

  • Sean is speechless. AWKWARD.
  • Well since she lives in LA the limo can drive her straight back to her house.
  • “All I want to do is make someone happy” -Des… No other aspirations, pathetic.
  • Bye “Desiree call me Des”
  • TOMORROW NIGHT: SEAN TELLS ALL!
  • Next week: Everyone loves Sean & Sean breaks another heart.

See you next week in Thailand!


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The Bachelor Episode 7: “I’m falling in love with you” and the moment everyone has been waiting for

Sorry this is late, but here it is!

sean

  • From this preview this is gonna be an episode FULL of tears!
  • Sea plane! to Saint Croix (Did I spell that right?)
  • Is Sean part of the welcome crew? “WELCOME TO ST. CROIX” the land of virgins, or born-again virgins, or is it just the Virgin Islands?
  • AshLee wants a 1 on 1… Why did they put her in the sun, she is squinting real bad.
  • Tierra got her own pull away bed?! HAHA “I don’t like girls that like my boyfriend” She has said this before.
  • “The cougars back in town” -Tierra … OHNOSHEISN’T she’s hating on AshLee for being 32.
  • OH I didn’t know two girls are going home this week. DUN DUN DUN.
  • OOOH swimming out to their private catamaran.
  • You can tell AshLee is head over heels for Sean. She is way too serious.
  • “I want to roll away her roll away into the freakin ocean” – Lesley HAHA
  • So Sean asks about the drama in the house and then AshLee vents it ALLLLL. UH OH.
  • He believes her! WOW, didn’t see that one coming.
  • I think AshLee is going to be the next Bachelorette.
  • You hear her say all these great things about him, but he hasn’t said much.
  • Commercial
  • OMG Tierra gets the 1 on 1 and she’s complaining about bugs her make-up dripping off and being sweaty?!
  • AshLee thats a GIANT wine glass! DAYUM!
  • AshLee’s got a secret to tell, EYO, I’m excited. I hope she says she used to be a man. She’s so pretty that would be incredible, but I’m guessing she was married before?
  • “15 years ago…” HERE IS COMES! I CALLED IT, SHE GOT MARRIED WHEN SHE WAS 17!
  • “So you were a married high school junior?” -Sean HAHAHA
  • Is this really a big deal? It was 15 years ago!
  • HE STILL LIKES HER, didn’t see that one coming *sarcasm*
  • The cliche yelling alone into the darkness. WEIRD.

ashleeyells

  • OH NO, she said she loves him. She yelled she loves him.

ashleeyellscloseup

  • “I could easily fall in love with AshLee” … but he isn’t yet and didn’t say “I love you” back.
  • Commercial
  • Here comes Tierra’s first 1 on 1 date!
  • They are shopping together, derp.
  • A parade starts happening, sure, just out of the blue.

parade2

  • Of course Tierra is being fun and cute the entire date.

tierraseandancinginparade

  • Question time… INTERROGATE HER, SEAN!
  • She is so delusional, the other girls have been pissed off since the first rose?! UM what?
  • Commercial
  • “This is our sugar mill” OH OKAY
  • I like her blue necklace!

tierranecklace

  • DATE CARD BACK AT THE HIZZZOUSE. Catherine, Lindsay, and Des get a group date.
  • Gosh Tierra is so annoying.
  • “I’m falling in love with you” ALL DA BITCHES BE SAYING THIS.
  • Commercial
  • 4:42AM?! Sean waking up the ladies?
  • Is he really taking their photos with out makeup on? HAHA
  • Catherine’s photo is hilarious

earlyphoto

  • First people in America to see the sunrise! Fun, if you’re into that.

sunrise

  • Is that the same sugar mill he was at with Tierra? Sketchy
  • What were those fruit stars in their drinks?! COOL!

starfruit

  • Tree house?! Pretty cool.
  • How awkward watching Sean just hanging out with just one girl and waiting for your turn.

watchingwaiting

  • Who will get the rose on this date?
  • Sean sitting on Catherine’s shoulders in the water, hahaha!

seanoncatherinesshoulders

  • Sean is always bringing up how crazy Wedding Dress Lindsay was the first night!
  • Catherine explains why her dad won’t be there if Sean goes to her hometown date. Suicidal, depression dad. WOMP WOMP 😥
  • Tear jerkers get roses… we shall see.
  • OMG Tierra hears AshLee and Lesley talking!
  • Des is crying talking about her family, CHEESY!

desfamilytalk

  • “I do want to settle down, and to have everything that they had” -Des (or also on this week’s Girls HBO episode)
  • ROSE. ROSE. ROSE. ROSE!
  • Wedding Dress Lindsay got the rose! Guaranteed hometown date yo!
  • Commercial
  • “Our relationship is not where it needs to be at this point” -Sean on Lesley
  • Fruit picking and chatting!

lesleyfruit

  • “I do want to tell him I’m falling in love with him” … this is the 3rd time I’ve heard this on this episode!
  • Sean looks super freckly this episode.
  • OH “It didn’t feel right to tell him today”
  • This date is awkward
  • “I like how you smile with your eyes at me” -Lesley, sounding like Tyra Banks
  • Sean’s sister is in town!
  • “I can see myself being possibly married to any of them” -Sean
  • Tierra confronts AshLee and her eyebrows are off the charts.

eyebrow

  • “I’m a 24 year old woman and you’re 32!” Uhhh okay.
  • “Men love me!” -Tierra, OH OKAY, Tierra.
  • Tierra is psycho.
  • “I CAN’T CONTROL MY EYEBROW!” -Tierra, best line of the season!

tierraeyebrows

  • Commercial
  • Tierra is crying when Sean shows up to bring him to meet his sister.

tierracrying

  • I wonder what Tierra is thinking re-watching these episodes.
  • So many tears have come out of this bitch this season
  • Is Sean’s face red? Sun burn?
  • Is Sean’s sister going to inspire him to send her home?!!?
  • Commercial
  • “I’m crazy about you…BUT… it may be best for you to go home now.” Does that mean go home for good, or until the hometown date? I’m confused. Who says they are crazy about someone then sends them home?
  • “Do you want to say goodbye to the girls?” “No” HAHAHA of course not
  • “This is the best walk of shame ever” – My Dad
  • BYE BYE TIERRA!

byebitch

  • Is she really blaming the other girls?!

Tierrasenthome

  • He better not bring her back… why are there previews of other girls crying
  • Commercial
  • “So she’s older than he is? She’s going home” – My Dad on AshLee
  • There’s cocktail party?! YIKES
  • AshLee tries to explain herself to the other girls.
  • This music is way too dramatic
  • Of course Des gets a rose, that thing with her boyfriend or some dude still has to happen.
  • Okay so its down to AshLee and Lesley… who is going to get a rose.
  • AW BYE BYE LESLEY. 😦
  • AshLee is WAY TOO SERIOUS ABOUT ALL DIS! It’s scaring me.

ashlee

  • Whoa, Catherine is freaking out.

catherinecryingwordsCatherinefreakout

lesleycatherine

(Later on Twitter)

  • Next week previews: OH so Des’s brother freaks out on Sean? and Catherine’s sisters don’t like him?! WHAT WILL HAPPEN. These episodes are getting more boring each week.

See you next week! Sorry this is a late post!


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The Bachelor Episode 6: Ice Castles, More Canoes, Hypothermia, and Falling in Love in a Teepee

TWO EPISODES IN ONE WEEK, AREN’T WE ALL SO LUCKY.

  • OH THEY IN CANADIA. Crossin’ tha border!
  • “There’s a woman here tonight I don’t see a forever with” Everyone hopes it’s Tierra, I betcha $1,000 it’s not!
  • MOUNTAINS, LAKES, WATERFALLS, BEARS, SNOW! Why is your shirt on, Sean?
  • Sean don’t like drama, no drama for your mama!
  • The water is fake, it’s so blue! Maybe its CG

bluewater

  • DATE CARD! Catherine gets a 1 on 1, she’s adorable.
  • Czech owt dat SNOW BRO!
  • GIANT SNOW BUS & SEAN IS DRIVING IT! – Remember when he couldn’t start the jeep?
  • Oh she sits behind him? HAHA

catherinesitsbehind

  • “Thank you for traveling with Sean’s Giant Snow Bus!”
  • His hair is snow, HAHAHAHAHA! It looks too cold to have fun!

frozensean

  • “Catherine has passed the blizzard test.” CUTE

snowplaycatherine

  • Commercial
  • “I want everything with him” yeah, okay. All da gurlz say this.
  • ICE CASTLE! WITH A FIRE IN IT?!

icecastle

  • “It just clicks with you” STOP USING THE SAME LINE ON ALL THE GIRLS, SEAN!
  • Daniella didn’t get the 1 on 1 date, but neither did Tierra
  • “I want Sean to know the reason I am the way I am” -Catherine… Oh, why you’re so sweet and cute?
  • OMG 12 year old traumatic story. YIKES. I’m surprised she didn’t turn out more like Tierra!
  • Traumatic sob stories get roses.

snowcastlekiss

  • I want their blanket.
  • “Catherine has melted my heart” … but not the ice castle HEH HEH! bad jokes by Paulina
  • Commercial
  • GROUP DATE!
  • AshLee runs to be the first to hug. First grade mentality I WANNA BE FIRST.
  • CANOES ROUND 2
  • AHHHH Lesley claims Sean’s canoe, THAT WAS FAST. She probably doesn’t want to row.
  • HAHAHA She just said my idea of letting “the man” row!
  • Selma’s cranky… her laugh. NOOOOO!

selmalaugh

  • Sean and Lesley make it to land first, BIG SURPRISE!

canoelesleywin

  • Let’s embrace Canada, by jumping into the freezing water.
  • AIGHT so there is the professionals saying “get out of the water as quickly as possible”, I have a feeling someone won’t listen.
  • Selma don’t want to swim in NO freezing water! & Tierra looks cranky, we know what’s gonna happen
  • Lesley jokes about hypothermia… you have no idea what’s coming girl!

lesleyHypothermia

  • Commercial
  • AshLee doesn’t want to do this either.
  • “I think I’m from Baghdad” – Selma
  • OKAY, this date is to distinguish the high maintenance girls from the low maintenance girls. So far Selma, Tierra, and AshLee are high maintenance. But Selma is the only one sitting out.

hellnoselma

  • The taking of the shoes off & then SHIRTLESS SEAN!

SHIRTLESSSEAN

  • Where is Tierra going on her own? K she got in and out on time…?

inthewater

  • HAHA everyone is so excited! SMILES ALL AROUND!
  • “Tierra can’t breathe” um where is her towel and her shoes? WTF!
  • Aw Daniella is helping warm Tierra up! Even though she’s a bitch. JK I would obvs do the same.
  • Commercial
  • Is it even possible to get hypothermia that soon?
  • Tierra is still so cold! 😥 WAH, cry me a river, bitch

Tierrablefreezing

  • Is Tierra the biggest wuss ever or is this really real?
  • “This guy better marry me! I’m just kidding” … “No, you’re not” UM AWKWARD. RU4REAL?!
  • Commercial
  • 7 on 1 date changes to 6 on 1 date (Thanks to Tierra)
  • BOW CHICKA WOW WOW Lesley reminds us she got to hold Sean’s hand when they jumped in the water.

lesleyholdingseanshand

  • She’s so cute. She loves love! AW!
  • “I appreciate you so much!” -Sean… what does that mean? That sounds cryptic.
  • Lesley is the Arie of this season. They makeout a lot, but will she win? Will she get stuck in second place?
  • Sarah shares family stories and photos! … Oh she gave him the photos? That is a little weird.
  • Desiree call me Des gets a second 1 on 1! Over Tierra and Daniella. Hm…
  • Tierra gets ready to go out to the date a little late, fashionably late?
  • Oh no the girls are making fun of her! When she walks in?! Whoa. Planned much?
  • Her hands are warm because her body is so cold?! Uh no.
  • Wedding Dress Lindsay steals Sean away from Tierra to make out.
  • BUT LESLEY gets the rose! HOLLA!
  • Tierra (Eyebrows McGee) is pissed. “I think I deserve it and I don’t think its fair” LIFE AIN’T FAIR YOU STUPID BITCH!
  • For once a sob story doesn’t get a rose, you’re getting a little better Sean.
  • Commercial
  • OH MY GOSH, THE FAMILY PHOTOS FREAKED SEAN OUT. HOW SAD! Sarah is going home.
  • “It’s just not meant to be” :/ :/ :/ :/
  • Gosh, so many break ups on this show. (25 break-ups to be exact)
  • BRING ON THE WATERWORKS.
  • “I don’t know what happened, I don’t know if it’s me” Well yeah, its you.
  • She’s really venting it out on this going home segment. WOW.
  • Bye Sarah!
  • And then there were 16 arms left competing… (another bad joke by yours truly)
  • Commercial
  • Des’s 1 on 1 date! “Don’t be scared to FALL in love”
  • THE WHITE FLOWERS, THOSE WERE NICE.
  • Gonna repel down the mountain to a picnic! FUN! Why do all the girls get so freaked out by these “dates”/challenges.

repeldes

  • “It would be a lot harder if Sean wasn’t here right now” … you wouldn’t be doing this if Sean weren’t there!
  • “I don’t want you to give up on us” – Sean … yeah, because that’s his job to decide if HE wants to give up or not.
  • DID ANYONE ELSE SEE THE ELKS TONGUE AT THE END?! HAHA.
  • Commercial
  • RACCOON SPOTTING!
  • LOOK AT SEAN’S SWEATER! LAWL

seanssweater

  • OH its so he matches the Teepee, or is it Tipi?
  • Fire cracking? Sketchy.
  • Des grew up poor! & lived in a tent for 4 months growing up.
  • “I want a house full of love” she said with hearts in her eyes.
  • OH NO the dreaded-overused: “I want to be with my best friend”
  • LOL teepee shadow kissing.

teepeeshadow copy

  • “I opened up about living some of my life in a tent and here I am falling in love in a teepee” HAHAHA
  • Commercial
  • “You’re gonna WIFE that?!” -Selma on Tierra. HAHA Selma has great quotes!
  • I want to know what everyone is drinking each rose ceremony!
  • Selma kissed Sean?! Say goodbye to your family!
  • Wedding Dress Lindsay promises not to kiss-away her time with Sean, BRAVE MOVE.
  • “I sleep naked” Wedding Dress Lindsay is crazy
  • OH SHE COULDN’T KEEP HER NO-KISSING PROMISE.

nokisslindsay

  • AshLee does all these weird metaphorical things each week! Blind folding to show her vulnerability/her trust.
  • I feel like she may be taking the Sarah approach, soon she will do something that will make Sean uncomfortable & she’ll be gone.
  • Commercial
  • Two BITCHEZ going home tonight?
  • CANDLES IN THE FIREPLACE —> CLEVER
  • Could Tierra finally be going home??
  • OKAY SO SELMA, TIERRA, DANIELLA AND ONLY ONE ROSE LEFT
  • Tierra got the rose! HOLY MOLY!
  • Selma is regretting that kiss.
  • It would really suck to be beaten out by Tierra!
  • 6 BITCHES LEFT!
  • Heading to the Virgin Islands… because Sean is a born again virgin. HAHAHA!

virginsean

  • Previews: AshLee says “I love you” & then is a tattle-tale… uh oh!

Moral of why we all watch The Bachelor… or maybe why Tierra is on the show:

aprilparksandrec

See you next week!