Speculations and Spectacles

bitching about bitches … and other musings

The Bachelorette Episode 5

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TONIGHT: Lederhosen, TEARZ, DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA, snow, oh and DRAMA!

I hope Zak W goes home tonight

  • Germany! WOOP WOOP
  • What just happened where all the guys were yelling? Something on a building?
  • “This is Des’s first time in Europe” -Chris Harrison, LAWL
  • Bachelor Pad Germany Edition
  • Chris gets a one on one date! HOLLA, he’s definitely a front runner, right now.
  • It’s both of their first times in Europe! They’re both broke… like me! HA
  • Commercial
  • Bryden is still freaking out, big surprise.
  • “A little andaid over a deeper wound” WHAT BRYDEN? When did you get a big wound?
  • WTF HE’S LEAVING?! I don’t get it.
  • He flies to Germany and leaves the first or second day there?
  • Des and Chris are skipping in a square, the date is going perfectly
  • “Nothing could go wrong” According to Chris.
  • And then Bryden goes searching for Des… to ruin their date.
  • I mean seriously, why couldn’t he wait until Chris got back to the hotel?
  • Commercial
  • Party Pooper Bryden is watching then from across the square, this is getting weird.
  • Sad Bachelor music playing all over the place.
  • “I’m not gonna let Bryden affect my date with Chris” -Des as she starts to cry
  • Back at Bachelor Pad Hotel the group date card comes.
  • Ben and Michael G are left with the two on one date… PRODUCERS PLANNED THIS! They hate each other!
  • Commercial
  • Fancy date time.
  • What are you looking for Chris?
  • AWWWW POEM!
  • “This is real and this is happening” -Chris
  • CUTE
  • Commercial
  • Aw the German snow, how lovely.
  • HIGHEST PEAK IN ALL OF GERMANY! Weeeoooo
  • Juan Pablo yodeling… oh and he can’t pronounce yodel.
  • Mikey is perfect at yodeling hahahaa
  • Des give the old man a rose and get rid of Zak W, hurry!
  • OPE Des eats shit, then Drew knocks into her and she keeps going.
  • Everyone is just knocking Des with Snowballs and attacking, HAHA!
  • & dudes making snow angels.
  • Back at the hotel the tension is SOOO obvs
  • Commercial
  • SNOW TUNNEL/MANSION WHAT? SO COOL!
  • Can these things collapse?
  • Brooks wants that rose, HOLLA. I love Brooks.
  • Brooks and Chris final 2. I’m calling it!
  • Mikey and Des are making snow them.
  • OH NO Zak W is walking around with two wine glasses, lurking hardcore.
  • Now he’s yodeling.
  • WHAT HE WAS GOING TO BE A PRIEST?! The guy that was shirtless the whole first episode and naked on his balcony on the first episode was going to be a priest!?!???!!!
  • He’s such a weirdo.
  • James is psyching himself out.
  • Drew is dishing to us about James… hmmm
  • and now Brooks is hating on him?
  • WAIT Brooks is now intruding on James and Des’s time together?
  • Or is he just spying?! OMG this is totally the lurk episode tonight.
  • The guys are getting weird yo
  • YES! BROOKS GOT THE ROSE!
  • “She didn’t see him lurking around the corner though!” -My Mom
  • I want those blue champagne glasses.
  • Commercial
  • 2 on 1 date time!
  • WHOA Ben sounds a little like Tierra last season
  • “I’m gonna look at it as a 1 on 1 with me and Des and Michael is just an awkward spectator” -Ben
  • Awkward.
  • Ben and Michael in the limo together, both pretending the other isn’t there! HAHA!
  • Michael is gonna go all attorney on Ben’s ass!
  • What if both go home! That would be dramatic.
  • Michael pulls out some German.
  • It’s a flattery competition.
  • Polar Bear Plunge?! Noooo… it has to be so cold!
  • Why does Michael have a matching head band? HAHA.
  • Surprise, no jumping in the water!
  • OMG floating hot tub on the lake! AWESOME!
  • THE SOUND IS SO BAD IN THIS JACUZZI!
  • Michael is totally attacking Ben and Ben is actually being civil about it.
  • Michael is gonna end up going home for this.
  • Commercial
  • Mikey and James are best buds, look at them hugging.
  • WHOA Kasey and Drew overheard a crazy conversation between James and Mikey!!!
  • Yikes! Tears are coming up!
  • Back at the 2 on 1 date both guys are wearing purple shirts peaking out from their sweaters.
  • Michael is focusing way too much on Ben on this date!
  • He hasn’t said one thing to Des.
  • There we go, Des you take control of the conversation.
  • Wait, Michael keeps taking jabs at Ben.
  • Michael is making himself look really really bad.
  • OH WOW, she might let both of them go, that’s probably the best option.
  • Commercial
  • Yeah, Michael, you did fuck up.
  • Yep, time to split up the guys up to chat alone.
  • Michael got the rose! HOLY CRAP, WOW!
  • Ben is PISSED!
  • HAHA All the guys are so stoked that Ben is going home.
  • Ben is acting psycho in the limo. AYYYY!
  • Commercial
  • Des may do something different this rose ceremony, wonder what it will be.
  • Chris Harrison plays 20 questions with Des.
  • SURPRISE! NO COCKTAIL PARTY!
  • Des! The guys need to tell you information!
  • James saying “You look beautiful” as soon as he possibly can, no cocktail party but he still gets his first word in.
  • Drew is extremely upset and disturbed
  • Commercial
  • They don’t ever show Juan Pablo, he might be going home.
  • They probably don’t show him too much because he needs subtitles, hahaha!
  • Juan Pablo is happy for Zak getting a rose.
  • Juan Pablo should be the next Bachelor!
  • HAHA Now its down to the best buds Mikey and James.
  • Whoooo will it be?
  • James is staying, bye bye Mikey! 
  • “The truth will be heard” -Drew
  • NEXT WEEK: Barcelona!!! Awesome! Man fights! Hell yeah! James vs. The Other Dudes.
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