Speculations and Spectacles

bitching about bitches … and other musings

The Bachelor Episode 5: Girls that can’t canoe, tattle-tales, and plaid shirts for all!

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  • WAIT, WHERE IS SHIRTLESS SEAN?

sendinggirlshome

(Since he’s not shirtless on this episode, I had to find an old one to include! I refuse to post an entry with out an appearance from Shirtless Sean)

  • Tonight is a 2 on 1 date! HOLY MOLY!
  • It’s travel time! “WOOO!” Going to Montana! “… wha?”

SeanMontana

(OH OKAY, WHEN YOU DO THAT)

  • WHAT WAS THAT BOYFRIEND COMMENT, DANIELLA (aka random blonde)? awkz
  • “He’s making my every dream come true” – Selma, whose dream is to go to Montana?
  • Wedding Dress Lindsay finally gets a 1 on 1 date.

helicopter

  • Here’s Sean… wearing his usual plaid, and she wore plaid to match him. GROSS.

plaidonplaidonplaid

  • “As much as I love her, I also want her to go home” BAHAHA. The Bachelor Contestant Struggle.
  • Commercial
  • “Now she’s seeking security and a family and maybe I’m the guy to do it with” Okay okay Sean, we know thats what you want too, as well as every other girl on the show.
  • Girl drama back at the cabin.
  • Lindsay is teary eyed? Because of…?
  • K, she got a rose, and now a surprise. Oh a private concert!  What if a contestant didn’t like country music?
  • Um dancing on a mini-stage and kissing in front of the whole town of Whitefish, Montana? My dream date too, NOT.

LINDSAY

  • Commercial
  • GROUP DATE!
  • What is on Selma’s head?

bitchesinthewilderness

  • OHAI goats.
  • Montana relay race! LOL their team shirts are plaid shirts in their team color!

RELAY

  • Losing team  has to go back to the lodge, uh oh!
  • “I don’t think having one arm will hold me back today” The story every episode of The Bachelor, for Sarah
  • Um, canoeing ain’t that hard, ladies. WTF?
  • All this plaid-shirtted outdoorsy girl business is turning Sean on.
  • AW Team Blue goes home 😦
  • Man they are really pushing tomorrow night’s episode where Tierra freezes to death.
  • Commercial
  • Whaaaa, Sean is bending the rules?
  • Blue team date card, wutwutwut, “Sending you home didn’t feel good” awww!
  • HA Tierra angrily writing in her journal! & she’s sneaking out to talk to Sean!?
  • “When Selma gets angry, Selma gets angry” Selma talks in third-person.
  • LADIES IZ ANRGY.
  • UM IS TIERRA WEARING A CONTEST SHIRT? WHEN SHE WASN’T EVEN IN THE CONTEST, WHAT? WHAT? WHAT!
  • PSYCHO BITCH TIERRA comes creeping in, HAHAHA!

tierrasurprise

  • Commercial
  • Tierra is made about getting a 2 on 1 date. Well, some girls are on an 8 on 1 date right now…. so uh, what?
  • HAHAHA Sean looks so uncomfortable.
  • “Follow your heart” and send Tierra packing, please.
  • Robyn’s eyes are bloodshot. Crying? or Stoned?
  • Um, Des’s time gets cut after a couple minutes from AshLee. Girls be catty bitches.
  • AshLee thinks she is gonna win this whole darn thang and I have to disagree.
  • What? Sean is carrying Catherine around? Funsies!
  • Uh Oh, Daniella walks in on Catherine on Sean’s lap and now she’s crying.
  • Daniella can’t handle everyone connecting with Sean.

daniellacries

  • She initiated the kiss, not him. Keep that in mind fellow viewers.
  • BUT SHE GOT THE ROSE.
  • If you cry you get the rose. I feel like I’ve said this before. DEJA VU!
  • Commercial
  • Tierra confuses boldness with insecurities.
  • 2 on 1 DATE TIME, MONTANA EDITION!
  • HAHA Jackie in the background of Tierra and Sean, aw!

JackieinBACK2

  • “Jackie doesn’t know she is on a date with me and my husband!” -Psycho Tierra

datewithmeandmyhusband

  • Uh oh, is Jackie gonna be a tattle-tale? Tattle-tales goes home.
  • Ohhh Tierra flirted with someone at the airport?! EYO. But still you are a tattle-tale.
  • If opening up means talking about other girls, then yeah you opened up.
  • Okay, he has kissed all they girls now.
  • Commercial
  • Well we know Jackie is going home because Tierra has to freeze on tomorrow night’s episode.
  • Aaaand the eyebrows are going off.
  • Oooh Tierra is gonna tell a sob story, she’s gonna get the rose.
  • Her ex/best friend passed away?! That explains a lot. But maybe you shouldn’t date people who go in and out of rehab.
  • Bye bye Jackie.

jackiebyebye

No dancing for you 😦

  • It’s a game for Tierra.

tierra2girlsdate

  • Commercial
  • After the 2 on 1 a weight has been lifted? Maybe the 120lbs that was Jackie?
  • “He gives roses to girls who are having a hard time” -Des… um yeah, you’re right.
  • Des is concerned and now Sean is concerned and doesn’t know where they stand?
  • Robyn is approaching Tierra… here comes trouble!
  • The girls approaching Tierra is growing, where did they come from?
  • “If I want to go get engaged, I can easily go get engaged, their are plenty of *bleep* guys out there” -Tierra… Did she just admit this is a game to her?
  • Commercial

Tierrabeattheshit

  • Sean walks by when Tierra is yelling at Robyn.
  • “Girls are attacking me” Tierra, you are delusional.
  • Sean asks Leslie for the deetz on Tierra. Is this a trust thing? She is trustworthy. He liiiiiikes her.
  • The second Tierra goes home the drama will go away.
  • Commercial
  • Cool dead bear.
  • Ooh lets chat with Chris Harrison! They should have a segment where Chris Harrison acts as the house therapist, maybe a web series. ABC, if you read this please let me do this for you!

SeanChrisHarrisonChat

(Serious chatz with Chris Harrison)

  • Sean isn’t so sure if his wife is in that room. WEEEELLL- not every night is all smiles and happiness, Sean. If there’s a bitch in the room, the room will be tense.
  • Commercial
  • ROSE CEREMONY
  • “Turbulent” week for Sean. Nice word, dude.
  • What is Selma wearing?
  • Robyn is pisssed and going home.
  • What is that smirk on Selma’s face? “Be scared?” Whaaaa?
  • Tonight is the night of girls going home with their face in their hands. (also pink nail polish)
  • Preview: Every tattle-tale is going to go home and Tierra is going to cry her way to every rose.

facesofterrorSeantwitterLOVEtierra

  • Speaking of EYEBROWS, guess who agrees with me:

chrisbukowskitierra

  • Credits: Sean chopping wood, HAHAHA.

K See you tomorrow night for Tierra freezing to death (we can only hope) & Sean in assless chaps?!

asslesschaps

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