Speculations and Spectacles

bitching about bitches … and other musings

The Bachelor Episode 4: Taking the Iraqi to the desert and tasting chocolate ;)

1 Comment

I can’t believe this show is two whole hours…

  • SO ready for roller derby and “tasting chocolate” and CRYING, of course!
  • SHIRTLESS SEAN in his bathroom?

buns

  • There is nothing more lonely than a man using a two person sink alone.
  • OMG IN BRIEFS PUTTING ON PANTS?! HA, taking it to the next level Bachelor producers, thank you!

briefs

  • Boxers or briefs is no longer a question.
  • Solo date card goes to Selma! aka Ashley Greene
  • Selma wants to have babies… what about marriage? YOUZ A DIRTY GIRL.
  • Leslie is crying we’re less than five minute in.
  • “Can you handle all 110lbs… on yo feet?” Okay, we get it, you’re tiny.
  • Private jet HEEEEEEY
  • Awkward jet cuddles going on, looks like she literally lost her backbone.
  • “He took the Iraqi to the desert” HAHA, love it.
  • Commercial
  • Joshua Tweeeee!
  • Sean likes the outdoors because he’s a man, duh.
  • Did she just say she feels puffy? Someone correct me.
  • Sean is going to help another girl face her fear of heights, how sweet of him.
  • GO PRO SIGHTING
  • Sean keeps trying to compliment her, but it’s just her and the rock now.
  • She’s actually climbing really well. She’s a monkey.
  • “I’m sitting on top of the world right now” actually it’s just a rock.
  • Commercial
  • “OH THAT’S THAT PLACE” -my Dad
  • Themed trailer park hotel thangs.
  • Marriage talk, blah, blah, blah
  • “Is that the same guy, or did we change bachelors?” -my Dad
  • OH, she ain’t gonna kiss him for respect of her family’s culture, holla!

SelmaDate

  • Group date card comes in! Tierra don’t want no group date! TIERRA ANGRY.
  • THEY SHOULD ESKIMO KISS, or head bump like cats since they can’t kiss.
  • (Check out this deleted scene I found on ABC’s youtube, they were thinking the same as me)
  • At least we don’t need to see Sean’s tongue sneaking into another girl’s mouth.
  • Sean’s being the perfect man again, “If I have to wait to kiss her, I will” OHSHUTYOURMOUTH
  • I’m Tierra-fied for the upcoming roller derby date!
  • Commercial
  • “Woop woop wooo!”
  • “I don’t think having one arm is going to hold me back today” Thanks, Sarah. We don’t think so either.
  • Tierra is gonna knock some biotches down. It doesn’t seem she needs to do that, the girls are all falling on their own.

gracefuljakcyfalls

  • One armed Sarah is crying. Cry #2 of the night!
  • Sean is helping Sarah face another one of her fears. Big strong man, helping girls find their strength! UGH

sarahrollerderbs

  • Amanda is way too cocky.
  • OMG she just fell and hit her chin! That’s what you get for being a cocky bitch.
  • “Why don’t they just do chainsaw juggling? or sword fighting?” -my Dad
  • Commercial
  • “She’s having a tough time opening her mouth, I’ concerned” -Sean … He’s concerned she wont be able to open her mouth to make out with him
  • No more roller derby! Free skate instead, good thinking, don’t want to get sued.
  • Tierra’s eyebrows are starting to go crazy, you know shit’s about to go down.

tierra eyebrows

  • Commercial
  • Tierra sappy-pants.
  • Sarah’s got a real cute dress on!

sarah cool dress

  • Amanda lived/still has her chin.
  • WHOA. “I will milk the sympathy card” -Amanda
  • Leslie H finally gets a date, you go girl… holy moly she got jewelry to wear!
  • Tierra is freaking out. EYEBROWS just raised 9 miles high.
  • HAHAHAA Tierra is acting like she wants to go… Is this an act?
  • “I can’t be tortured like this!” HAHAHA

tierradignified

  • Tierra stole Sean from wedding dress Lindsay, after their awkward make-out

awkwardlindsay

  • At least Lindsay handled it comedically.
  • No hot-tub time for Lindsay & Sean 😦

Lindsay, no hot tub

  • YOU KNOW SHE’S SENSITIVE?! YOU BARELY KNOW HER! WTF.
  • Okay, I think Tierra is stealing the sympathy card from Amanda… LOOK AT THAT EVIL GRIN.

tierrarosethorn

  • “She’s a plague of bad energy”
  • Commercial
  • “I’ve never gotten diamond earrings from a boyfriend.” They aren’t from Sean, they are from the producers. Don’t be fooled, Leslie!
  • IS THAT A PURPLE PLAID DRESS SHIRT UNBUTTONED TO MAKE A V-NECK. & THAT VEST. YOU LOOK SILLY, SEAN. You should just be shirtless.

vneck

  • “Every woman talks about the movie Pretty Woman” way to lump us into one giant homogenous person, Sean. We’re not ALL prostitutes!
  • Leslie gets to try on dresses for Sean. Most of these are UGLY.
  • “Finally your dress matches your smile” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
  • Neil Lane… “There’s that dude” -my Dad
  • Commercial
  • SHE’S SO SPARKLY.
  • “This whole date has been set up to enhance the romance.” But there is no romance, none, whatsoever.
  • She’s got a weird eyebrow too, but only one! Story telling eyebrow.
  • Aaand the show is enhance this “no spark, no chemistry” by not having background music.
  • OH, here’s the music. Finally. Because she is talking about a broken family.
  • “The B word, ‘BUT'” -my Dad
  • OH NO. Here comes the disappointment.
  • She didn’t see that coming.
  • Sean gets a solo concert! THIS IS WEIRD.
  • Tears round 2 for Leslie H
  • OKAY, THIS IS WHEN HE DROPS THE ROSE FROM THE BALCONY. I was hoping for a heartbreak on Sean’s end or something more dramatic.
  • Commercial
  • Cocktail party
  • Tierra has crazy earrings on again. EYEBROWS & EARRINGS = Tierra.
  • AshLee’s always on Sean’s mind, who else is he going to say this to tonight?
  • “Do you want to taste the chocolate” -Robyn HAHA … But that definitely felt forced.

BachelorChocolate

  • Tierra is prancing around the house with her rose.
  • OH YES, TIERRA AND AMANDA WOULD BE FRIENDS. They are both so psycho & can’t interact with other girls.
  • Tierra is pulling Robyn & Jackie aside. “Your bad for assuming that”
  • Tierra, you are so self centered. Yes, you are focusing on you, thank you for saying that.
  • Commercial
  • “Tierra requires more reassurance than anyone in the house” -Sean… um yeah, she’s a needy manipulative bitch.
  • Weird pick up lines are the theme of tonight, what was that, WHATSYOURFACE (can’t remember her name, but I do remember she is a graphic designer)

catherinekisscard

  • She’s almost too short (in heels) to kiss him.
  • “TAKE THE GIRLS DOWN” -Tierra. I’m just annoyed with her now. This isn’t even amusing. It’s dumb.
  • Commercial
  • ROSE CEREMONY
  • OH CATHERINE IS HER NAME, the graphic designer.
  • You can tell his strongest connections are with Des, Lesley, and maaaaaybe Lindsay? or AshLee. (My predictions have been casted)
  • OH WOW, psycho Amanda is going home. Now, Tierra really has no friends.
  • BYE BYE!
  • How can your heart be broken this soon? You didn’t even have a one on one date!
  • NEXT WEEK IS A TWO DAY BACHELOR EVENT?! NO, THIS SHOW IS TOO LONG.
  • “Double the romance, and double the drama” HAHAHA
  • Tierra goes to the hospital, AGAIN? She’s addicted to playing the sympathy card.

Moral of the episode: If you cry and are needy you’ll get the rose. Men, need to feel needed. Your life shouldn’t go on with out them. If you almost shatter your jaw for them you’ll be sent home, don’t show that much independence.

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK (Two days in a row, UGH, it’s a love/hate relationship with this show)

kissleaderboard

images c/o: The Bachelor Tumblr, Bachelor & Bachelorette Spoiler Fans, Mel Got Served, ABC
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One thought on “The Bachelor Episode 4: Taking the Iraqi to the desert and tasting chocolate ;)

  1. Eyebrows and earrings…..classic!

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